


35 Reasons

by AuroraDefae



Category: Marvel
Genre: (Bare with me okay I know that's a big red sign), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anniversary, Arguments, Birthdays, Blood, Character Death, Colds, Comfort, Coming Out, Cooking, Could be seen as S word before twist, Cussing, End of the World, Established Relationship, Extremis, First Person, Flirting over the comms, Injury, Kidnapping, Long missions separating each other, M/M, Medical, Near-death Experiences, PTSD, Panic, Picnic, Pining, Poison, Protective Steve, Protective Tony, Reckless Tony, Serum, Singing, Sparring, Storms, Superfamily, Superhusbands, Technopathy, Tony sleeps!, Torture (implied), Vomiting, arc reactor problems, drowning (Mentioned), fainting/passing out, first time saying I love you, healing factor, mid-battle kisses, paladium poisoning, pre-wedding, proposal, slight allusion to young avengers, they get it you two love each other, thunder/lightning (not thor), wedding (not theirs)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 01:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 23,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraDefae/pseuds/AuroraDefae
Summary: 35 Reasons and ways they say I love you.From this prompt/list





	1. 35 reasons

In this universe, you’re reckless. In every universe, you probably are.

 

I wait with baited breaths and strangled sobs for you to wake up, your armor across my lap, faceplate up, as a battle rages around me that I am numb to.

 

Stirring is hard in your armor, but I let out a breath as your eyes fly open.

 

“Steve?”

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, there’s tragedy. We’ve lost a world, friends. After a week, the shock has worn off a bit and you don’t leave the bed because you don’t want the people that are left to see you broken. It took you months to trust me enough, to let me hold you when your whole body, your whole brain is in pain.

 

You’ve been running yourself ragged for that week, trying to figure out how to bring them back, and I have to all but drag you to bed, where you pass out from exhaustion.

 

I’m awakened by you shaking me with a sense of urgency.

 

We’ve both almost died or actually died, but that was before us.

 

Your voice is hoarse from tears as I wake up to you kissing me before you pull back to look me in the eyes.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, you have a crazy idea that would save the day. After wheedling Jarvis, I learn the probable chances that it would kill you.

 

The Hulk is standing by us as guard as we argue. Your faceplate is up and you’re screaming. The last thing I want to do it scream at you, but the absolute last thing I want to do is lose you.

 

“Why can’t I-”

 

“Because I love you!”

 

It’s my first time saying those words.

 

-

 

In this universe, everyone is waylaid by the common cold. The tower is too close, enclosed, that all it takes is one sneeze for everyone but Natasha and I to get sick. For the days it takes for you to get better, the two of us take turns caring for you.

 

You’re unintelligible when I walk in, carrying a mug of tea. You needily reach for it, sighing as you wrap your hands around the warm ceramic before sniffing, your face twitching.

 

I reach forward, sitting on the edge of the bed to steady the mug in case you sneeze.

 

You give a weak thumbs up before taking a sip, sighing again at the warmth and the honey I know you love when you get sick.

 

I’m about to leave, already standing up, when you clear your throat.

 

“I love you.”

 

Your voice is still hoarse, your nose clogged, but I stop, turning around, not believing it. Was that sarcasm? Your face is serious though and my heart thunders as you repeat it.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, I find you sitting bare-chested, your back towards me, in the middle of your trashed workshop surrounded by glass bottles, Dum-E perched nervously by you as you bat at him. I walk over to get you up, to bed, when I see the dark veins spreading out from your arc reactor. I’m speechless.

 

You stare up at me with bleary eyes, grabbing my shirt.

 

“I love you.”

 

I try to ignore that, you’re drunk, as Jarvis tells me what’s wrong and you start crying. I hold you for hours.

 

-

 

In this universe, the villains have been relentless for months and we’ve barely had time to even talk to each other about anything but missions.

 

You drag me out of the training room to the roof of the tower, a picnic basket waiting. Several waiting. My stomach growls and you laugh, your face lighting up as you lead me to the blanket and food.

 

You’re so beautiful. It’s far too soon. The late afternoon light shines in your hair. My heart is floating.

 

“I love you.”

 

Your eyes widen, your breath, and mine, stop before an even bigger smiles splits your face and you’re kissing me, knocking me over as the late afternoon light fills my body and my heart skips a beat.

 

“I love you too.”

 

-

 

In this universe, you’re complaining as you lay in a bed in the tower’s medbay. Your leg is broken, your whole body bruised, and you have a concussion. You’re surly and dramatic to hide just how much pain you’re in.

 

I haven’t left your side except to get food or an ice pack as you lie there antsy. I had to shut Jarvis off because you kept trying to do work verbally instead of relaxing.

 

I’ve just brought you a bowl of macaroni and cheese, setting it on the table by the bed. I try to help you get propped up gingerly, avoiding your injuries, when you pull me towards you and hide your face in my neck.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, time is not moving as I watch a grenade flying at my face. My reflexes are fast, but I’m frozen, the blood draining out of my face as the noise around me dims.

 

Distantly, I hear you calling _Steve, Captain America, Cap, honey_ \- as you race towards me, repulsors at full blast as you tackle me, turning so it's your armor that drags across the ground from the momentum you had built up and the energy of the blast. There’s an awful sound, worse than nails on a chalkboard as your armor screeches across the pavement.

 

“You could have been injured or even killed!” I scream before the buzzing even dies down in my ears.

 

You look me in the eyes, voice apologetic but resolute.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, I hear you yell above the smoke alarm as you run into the kitchen, where I am waving a towel to try to dissipate the smoke.

 

The others were supposed to keep you occupied as I baked you chocolate-chip cookies for your birthday. Or tried to.

 

When you figure out what’s going on, you laugh, bending over with stitches in your side as I roll my eyes. The smoke dissipates, and you open the oven, grabbing a burnt cookie and popping it into your mouth.

 

You try to hide your disgust, forcing yourself to not spit it out as my face goes red.

 

“I love you, but how about I cook from now on?”

 

I nod and you grab another cookie.

 

-

 

In this universe, the tension rises in the air when Jarvis announces Commander Hill is coming. Natasha groans and asks if SHIELD has a problem with their recent report, but everyone knows it’s something to do with you. You've been gone on a secret mission for months when you said you'd be back in a week or so.

 

Hill’s face is somber, and my heart drops as she briefs us. The others leap up to get ready for action to rescue you.

 

I wander into your room, finding your shield, which you had to leave behind.

 

“I love you.”

 

“Sir?”

 

“Don’t repeat that, Jarvis.”

 

“Very well.”

 

 _I should have told you before the mission_. My heart twists painfully, Clint having to find me and get me to the Avenjet.

 

-

 

In this universe, your body is warm and the sheets are tangled around us as you babble nonsensically, gasping and shuddering.

 

“I - oh-love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, our son is playing on the playground, the shouts of kids filling the air.

 

You lay next to me, fingers entwined with mine, your head on my shoulder as we watch him, our hearts bursting with peace as a slight wind blows through the grass.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, you went to Malibu after an argument. You refuse to let Jarvis put a call through, and I want to go to you, apologize, to tell you- but there’s a crisis in New York keeping me here, I can’t leave.

 

You hate paper, but you’ve ignored the messages I’ve sent electronically. I sit down to write a letter.

 

It’s full of run-ons and incomplete thoughts, and I pause at the end, fear washing through me.

 

_I love you. I need you to know that._

 

-

 

In this universe, the public doesn’t know about us, and everyone at the party is hitting on you. I’m sitting at the bar with my arms crossed, trying to not pay attention to you when you brush past me.

 

Your warmth and smell are intoxicating and all I want to do is sweep you into my arms and kiss you to tell everyone.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

I sigh, deflating.

 

“I love you.”

 

My eyes burst open as I try not to shout, you giving me a brief, soft look before walking off with your drink, leaving me suffocating and trying not to blush.

 

-

 

In this universe, we’re at a press conference after a nasty battle the day before. Seemingly all of the public is angry, and rightfully so, but the reporters gathered are being brutal. You’ve been in front of cameras your whole life and know how to hide your body language, but I see you’re breaking down.

 

A very inflammatory, accusing remark is made from a reporter to you, and I’m standing up. I walk to you, putting my hand in the small of your back and you tense. They don’t know about us yet. SHIELD advised us to keep us a secret when Hill found out.

 

“Leave him alone.”

 

“And why are you protecting him?”

 

“Because I love him.”

 

The room goes quiet when I shout.

 

-

 

In this universe, you’re in a coma. Your serum is healing you from Hydra’s weapon, but you’re not waking up. It’s been days, and I’m trying to not lose hope as you lie there with machines beeping, keeping your body functioning.

 

It’s more days before your body starts to function, and the machines are removed. Your face is still so pale.

 

I’m asleep when the heart monitor speeds up as you wake. Your hand twitches in mine and I burst awake, starting to cry.

 

“Hnnnh?

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you so much, oh my god, I love-”

 

-

 

In this universe, the tower has been attacked and glass is shattered and pieces of the ceiling litter the floor.

 

We weren’t in the same room, on the same floor, and the stairs are unsteady as I try to find you. Jarvis is shut off, so I’m combing through every level, my heart sinking at every single one that you’re not on.

 

My heart is in my stomach, making it turn painfully, a faint taste of vomit in the back of my throat when I hear you faintly calling for anyone. For help.

 

You’re buried under a large chunk of ceiling, your head bleeding into a pool on the floor.

 

I lift the chunk off of you, and you suck in a deep breath, coughing as your eyes unfocus.

 

“I’m getting a first aid kit, sit still.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

-

 

In this universe, Jarvis zooms my HUD and I see you take a punch from an Atlantean soldier straight to the gut. You double over, holding it, Natasha jumping in to dispatch the soldier as you drop to your knees.

 

“Steve, oh my god. Are you okay?”

 

You nod your head as my voice comes through the comms.

 

“Do you have internal bleeding? That’s how Houdini died-”

 

“I’m fine.” You choke out, but I ramble on, worried as I rush towards you.

 

“Seriously, I’ll be okay. I just need to sit down for a bit.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I love you.” I reach you, cradling you as my faceplate goes up, your eyes slowly meeting mine.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, we’re crammed in the open space behind a wall, holding our breath. You’re out of your armor, it having been disabled, slumping against me as your arc reactor fritzes. Your head is buried in my chest as you breathe in shocks and gasps, trying to muffle the sound.

 

There’s only static over the comms as I hold you up, trying to not think about how you could be dying, here in my arms.

 

A distant clang of the robots hunting us down sounds in the distance, and you jump weakly.

 

“If I don’t-”

 

“Shh.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Your voice is barely a whisper, but I know you feel my heart speed up.

 

-

 

In this universe, you’re exhausted and have asked Thor if he can stop the storm outside four times just so you can sleep.

 

He’s apologized every time as he tries to stop it to no avail.

 

You’re curled up in my arms in our bed, drifting off momentarily before thunder strikes again and you’re awake. Your eyes are watering as you whine in the back of your throat.

 

If you ever told someone, I’d deny it, but the serum improved my vocal cords, and I start singing, rocking you back and forth.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, it’s our first anniversary. I am focused on the chocolate and banana pancakes I’m making, hoping to not burn them. I have the coffee machine going, a stack of sketches sitting by the tray so I can give you breakfast in bed.

 

I don’t hear you come in and jump a little when you wrap your arms around my waist, standing on your toes to kiss me on the cheek.

 

“Pancakes and coffee? You spoil me.”

 

I grin, turning my head so I can kiss you before turning back to the stove.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, you’ve been kidnapped. The videos released made me feel sicker and sicker, to the point I was throwing up and barely eating every time I saw how much they’d hurt you this time. After a week, you were listless in your chair.

 

The base is heavily fortified, but my ears start ringing and I see red as I wipe through the base, trying to find you. The others disable the other areas, joining me when I direct them to the thickest group of soldiers which I know are just guarding you.

 

It takes too long to disable them. I feel like I can’t breathe as I reach the door at the end of the hall, starting to try to break it down, break the lock with my shield, anything.

 

“Please don’t hurt me.”

 

Your voice is weak and muffled, and I stop, putting my hand on the door.

 

“Tony, it’s us, it’s me. You’re safe. I just need to get this door down.”

 

“Please don’t-”

 

“Tony, I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, you’ve been acting weird for weeks. You get nervous whenever I try to find out why, and the others, including Jarvis, feign ignorance when I try to ask them.

 

You’ve been awake for too long, and I walk into your workshop to get you to our bed.

 

Under the usual loud rock music blaring, the drone of machinery, your robot’s sounds, I hear you singing under your breath as I sneak in.

 

Jarvis gradually lowers the sound of the music so I can hear the words, and I stop.

 

_“-Together can never be close enough...feel like I am close enough to you-”_

 

I know this song.

 

_“You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you...”_

 

“Yes.”

 

You jump, the tools clattering as you whip around to face me, face white.

 

“What?” Your voice is stretched, and you almost croak.

 

“Yes.”

 

-

 

In this universe, we’ve been living in the tower for over two months. It’s taken that long for you to relax around us, starting to use our first names, to joke with us. In truth, you show me that there’s more to this side of the timeline than the constant battles, that I can have a life, that I can be Steve Rogers instead of just Captain America.

 

It doesn’t take long for me to consider you a friend, that long for me to realize I might like you, that long to realize I am head over heels.

 

You’re gorgeous either in sweatpants or jeans in your lab. Or in tuxes for social events the Avengers attend. You’re incredibly intelligent, twelve steps ahead whenever a problem arises or you explain some part of the future I don’t understand to me. You’re brave, kind, funny-

 

It is months later that you stumble into the kitchen, dazed but with a smile on your face, collapsing into a chair at the table.

 

“What are you smiling about?”

 

Your smile widens and my heart flips. “I finally solved that problem I’ve been working on for-uh.” You stop. “Jarvis?”

 

“The last five days, Sir.”

 

“And how much as he slept?”

 

“Semi-adequately. I was able to convince him to sleep on the couch in the workshop on an irregular, but proper basis.”

 

“And how much has he eaten?”

 

“That is harder to convince him to do. He needs food.”

 

I look at you. You’re not moving anytime soon.

 

“You want me to cook you some eggs?”

 

“God, yes. I love you.”

 

My heart stops, and I turn around, forcing out a laugh.

 

-

 

In this universe, SHIELD had me off on a secret mission for what felt like years.

 

I shower in one of the guest rooms, changing gratefully out of the Captain America uniform I had been wearing for weeks.

 

“Jarvis, is he awake? I don’t want to-”

 

“He has not slept well since you left. He is currently awake and would love to know you’re back.”

 

I nod, walking quickly to our room, _God I missed you_ , stopping at the entrance.

 

“Steve?”

 

Your voice is small and full of sleep.

 

“Yes, baby, I’m back.”

 

“Come here.”

 

I oblige happily, slipping into the bed and immediately getting an armful of you.

 

“I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too.” I rub circles on your back, kissing the top of your head as I feel your body relax.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, a shiny spider-like device is entrenched firmly in your neck, red poison in the middle.

 

The Red Skull is in front of us in the warehouse, remote in hand, soldiers pointing weapons at everyone to prevent interruption.

 

“Please don’t go. They’ll hurt or even-” Your voice breaks as you maintain a hand on the cowl of my uniform, eyes pleading.

 

“Tony, they’ll kill you unless I go with them.”

 

“Please don’t go, I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, it’s movie night. We’re all stuffed with pizza, ice cream, cookies, and soda, talking over the movie that’s only getting half of our attention.

 

The night quickly disintegrated into a truth or dare of sorts, Jarvis the voice of reason when a dare got too crazy.

 

Natasha had chugged a bottle of hot sauce, Thor had been forced to sing, Clint juggle, Bruce walk on his hands, and you walk in high heels.

 

It was my turn to get asked for a truth or dare, and I was worried as you smirked, thinking of what in the world you would ask as a truth.

 

“Why did you lie to Fury about our mission? I thought Captain America was good and honest.”

 

“And why do you care? We’ve all lied at one time or another to him or Hill.”

 

“You too scared, Steve?”

 

“No.”

 

“You chose truth, you can’t take it back.”

 

I lick my lips, trying to come up with an appropriate response as you continued to wheedle and tease.

 

“Can I please just get a different-”

 

“No.”

 

“Tony, why-”

 

“Because I love you too, idiot.”

 

Natasha sprayed milk, coughing as you smirked, my mouth hanging open.

 

-

 

In this universe, we’ve been fighting a large alien army for almost ten hours straight. The comms have been quiet as everyone just tried to stay alive and win the battle, only panting and soft swears coming through.

 

The army finally retreated, and I drop onto the ground, laying back, exhausted.

 

A strangled noise comes through the comms, Natasha trying to speak but failing.

 

I shoot to my feet, looking around for her only to see everyone gathered around something on the ground. As I walk towards them, they part. My legs almost collapse again as your armor comes into view.

 

Clint comes and helps me up, walking us to the armor as I take in the damage to the suit.

 

It takes me forever to be able to speak.

“Jarvis?”

 

“I’m sorry, Captain. There’s nothing that can be done.”

 

“Jarvis, please, god-”

 

“He created a protocol for me to control the suit if he was to-” the AI paused. “He’s been- gone for almost an hour.”

 

My blood cold, I reach forward to take off your helmet and release the manual lock on your armor, dragging your limp body into my arms as someone puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it.

 

Your body is still warm, and I push all my willpower into willing you to wake up.

 

“Tony, please. Wake up. I love-”

 

-

 

In this universe, we’re sparring, your face determined as you try to land a punch or kick.

 

You’re out of breath and frustrated as I try to lecture you while still dodging.

 

“Okay, maybe it’s time to stop.” I step back from you, but you follow.

 

“Not until I at least land a goddamn punch.”

 

“My supersoldier reflexes are too fast. If it wasn’t me, you’d have landed some.”

 

“I love you.”

 

My guard goes down as the words process in my mind, and you knock me off my feet, sitting on me with a devious grin.

 

“Tony-”

 

“I really do though. Love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, I refused to wear my winter suit because it impeded my range of motion and wasn’t practical in that sense.

 

It took only half an hour of trudging through snow for me to be unable to repress the trauma of the ice, my body shaking not only from the cold. You try to ask me if I’m okay, but my teeth are clattering too much for me to speak.

 

Next thing I know, I’m swaddled in multiple blankets, being lifted up in metal arms that are surprisingly supple.

 

“Next time, please wear your winter suit.”

 

My teeth still clattering, my body shaking, I bury my face in the blanket, pressing into the neck of the armor.

 

“I lo- I lov- I love- I love you-”

 

-

 

In this universe, you’re making me watch a show you love called Star Trek, nestled into me as we cuddle on the couch.

 

You’re making dark comments about the technology before praising how the show inspired you, my heart warm at your enthusiasm and love.

 

“Tony?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

My insides squeeze then flip.

 

“I love you.”

 

My voice is small, hushed as they sink into me.

 

-

 

In this universe, I’ve asked to speak to you alone. Bruce, Rodney, and Clint troop out, shutting the door behind them.

 

The words I want to say as you stand there looking at me, beautiful in your tux, can’t come out.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

You come up to me, putting a hand on my arm, and I shiver at the contact.

 

“It’s- I shouldn’t- nevermind.” I bit my lips, trying to step back.

 

“Steve, what’s wrong?”

 

All I want to do is shake you before sweeping you up in my arms, telling you how much I love you. But it’s too late for that. You’re going to be standing at an altar soon with Pepper, saying vows. I should be happy that you’re happy but my chest feels empty and I look down at the ground.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, a call for a mission came in the middle of the night, and the scramble to get ready is even more chaotic. I woke up to an empty bed, the thought knawing at me as I searched for my shield.

 

I go to slide it onto my arm, noticing a piece of paper fall down.

 

Bending down to get it, I find your handwriting on it, and I smile.

 

“I love you.”

 

-

 

In this universe, your suit is trashed, and we stand at the top of a skyscraper threatening to collapse. You’ve called for a new suit, but it hasn’t appeared yet.

 

An ominous rumble sounds through the building up to us, and we exchange glances.

 

“Jarvis, please hurry up.”

 

“Sir, I may have to catch you mid-air. That building could collapse at any second now.”

 

You shake your head, swallowing nervously.

 

“Tony, we need to jump. We might not have a chance once it starts falling.”

 

You take a steeling breath, nodding, and we step to the ledge, seeing the smoke and dust racing up the building.

 

“That’s a long way down, the suit will be here in time.”

 

“Steve?”

 

“I love you.”

 

And you pull us off the ledge, throwing us forward into a free fall as the building gives one more ominous creak before collapsing in a loud boom.

 

-

 

In this universe, the sun is too bright, the air too still, too warm. SHIELD had launched a 504 at the sun to destroy it, only for it to start a chain reaction. Now the sun is going to explode, and all we can do is sit and watch the end of the earth.

 

Everyone had gone off to do their dying wishes, leaving us alone. We end up on the helipad of the tower, watching the light swell into every space of the city below us.

 

You’re snuggled against me, my hands around your middle as if I can protect you from the blast.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”


	2. #1: As a hello

In this universe, you are reckless. In every universe, you probably are. 

 

-

 

“Again, Captain? He should be awake-” 

 

I grind my teeth, your sun-warmed armor burning a heat through my uniform. “Again.” 

 

Jarvis  _sighs_ before repeating the list.

 

 

Your heart rate is as to be expected. Your lungs are functioning nominally. None of the bruising lining your body is critical. You’ll need a week or so of bed rest with that concussion, but your brain’s electrical activity is normal.

 

 

“So why isn’t he awake?”

 

“His body underwent a large shock to all of its systems. He should be awake promptly.”

 

I feel useless sitting there cradling your armor. “Is there anything you can’t check?”

 

“Again, after the palladium death scare, SHIELD required Sir to outfit the armor with a full host of biometric devices to keep track of his health due to his tendency to ignore my warnings.”

 

“Should I carry him to a hospital?”

 

“Captain-”

 

“What if something is horribly wrong, every second could count and it’s been-”

 

“-thirteen minutes and forty-eight seconds. Understand, he was thrown seven feet into a wall with an approximate force of-”

 

 

Jarvis rattles off a number which he says is well within the capabilities of your armor to withstand. If you just hadn’t decided to fly straight towards the enemy without backup, before we could make a plan-

 

-you’re such an idiot.

 

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. If you wake up to see me crying, you’ll freak out, so I swallow the mess of emotions threatening to spill out.

 

 

“Can you retract the faceplate?”

 

“Certainly, however, that will diminish my ability to monitor Sir’s vitals.”

 

“I understand.”

 

Your face is calm, and I reach to cup it as much as I can with your helmet still on.

 

 _Wake up_.

 

-

 

Your breathing speeds up, your body moving as well as it can while you’re in the armor. It’s no use trying to not cry as your eyes fly open in a panic.

 

“Steve?”

 

Your voice is hoarse, thin, but _alive_.

 

“I love you.”

 

I bring our foreheads together, and you sigh, bringing your arms up to hug me. You try to speak, coughing, and I silence you with a kiss, you sighing again.


	3. #2: With a hoarse voice, under the blanket

In this universe, there's tragedy.

 

-

 

“Jarvis, tell me everything that happened.”

 

“Sir, you’re in deep shock. You cannot process information correctly in this state.”

 

 

I run my hands through my hair as if I can shake the memories fragments the shock didn’t bury out and into order.

 

 

“You need rest. You haven’t slept for a week.”

 

“I’m close to figuring it out, I just need to know every little detail.”

 

 

Jarvis stays quiet, and I grab the closest thing to me- a wrench -to throw at the ceiling before putting my face in my hands.

 

 

So goddamn close. Close to making the world whole again. To bringing them back. To bringing everyone home- just so goddamn close. If my memories weren’t so fragmented and useless. I can remember bits and pieces of the battle, but not enough.

 

I made Jarvis too smart, and I’m locked out of the telemetry and visuals captured by my suit. If I could just access them, watch and see what happened-

 

 

Your hand suddenly presses in between my shoulder blades as you come up behind me, and I tense. It’s an automatic reaction whenever someone catches me vulnerable.

 

You pull my stiff form into a hug, and I relax. I can be vulnerable around you. You can see me cry, see me break, see me lose my mind, and you’ll be there as a steadying force.

  


“Please tell Jarvis to lift the block.”

 

You kiss the top of my head at my broken voice. “You need to stop and sleep.”

 

“I’m so damn close if I could just see what happened since I can’t remember it all.”

 

“Babe, that’s how trauma works.”

 

I flinch at _trauma_ and you hug me tighter.

 

“Come on, time to sleep.”

 

You haul me up in a princess carry, and I fight to get out, my movements weak from sleep deprivation. I eventually give up, you making me shower and put on clean clothes, but I continue to grumble until my head hits the pillow and I’m out.

  


-

 

The nightmare rushes away as I shoot up in bed, panting, the memories receding back into that fog. I remember more though. How damn close it came to everyone being gone. How close I came to losing you.

 

I shake you lightly, where you’re laying next to me, but you’re a deep sleeper and I have to shake you frantically. You open one eye to look at me, and I lay down so I can kiss you. You return it sleepily, and I pull back, noticing I’m crying.

 

My voice is hoarse from running myself down and the tears.

 

“I love you.”


	4. #3: As a scream

In this universe, you have a crazy idea that would save the day. After wheedling Jarvis, I learn the probable chances that it would kill you.

 

-

 

I fly up to assess the battle scene, and it’s not good. “Is anyone thinking of how quickly we could have finished this if Thor wasn’t off in Asgard?”

 

Natasha sighs, Clint grumbling.

 

“They do seem to not like my widow bites or the two electric shock arrows Clint had.”

 

“Five electric arrows. And nobody mentioned there’d be alien cyborg animals.”

  


 

“Mind-controlled alien cyborg animals.” I correct.

 

“You just going to float and be annoying or actually do something?”

 

 

I ignore Clint, flying up to the light fixtures at the top of the warehouse to inspect them.

  


 

“Tony, what are you going to do?”

 

I look down at you to see you staring up at me with your arms crossed and shield on your back, the Hulk batting away any creatures that get close.

 

 

“I haven’t said anything.”

 

“Exactly. Silence is when I get worried.”

 

“Well, I am in a metal suit, and metal conducts electricity.”

 

“Do you know how stupid and dangerous it would be to become a lightning rod?”

 

“My armor is a Faraday cage-” and quietly- “mostly.”

 

“ _MOSTLY_?”

 

“The chances of me being okay are good.”

 

“Get down here.”

 

“Or I could finish this battle-”

 

“Now.”

 

I roll my eyes, flying down and landing in front of you.

 

“Faceplate.”

 

“No.”

 

 

Jarvis retracts it, and I make a mental note to look at his code later, after we finish this battle, if you let me finish it.

 

 

“Tony, what did you mean that your chances are good?”

 

I shrug. “They’re good.”

 

 

You groan, looking up at the ceiling. I have no idea how you’ve put up with my shit for the past year, but you seem to be undeterred by it. If anything, it makes you more determined, which usually is endearing. Not now though. I'm tired and just want to be done with this battle.

 

 

“Jarvis?”

 

“Sir is mostly correct, Captain. His chances of not getting fatally electrocuted are very good.”

 

“Fatally? How about severely?”

 

“Captain-”

 

“Jarvis.”

 

“Sir said to withhold specifics during battles because of your relationship.”

 

“And I’m asking for them.”

 

 

“Steve, I’ll be fine.”

 

You ignore me.

 

 

“Sir, do you wish for me to-”

 

“No, J, I do not. He’s just being protective.”

 

 

“Protective? If it’ll be alright, you’d be telling me that.”

 

“Oh come on, I can make good judgments, and we could stop that Kansas town from getting overrun by these- things.”

 

“What are the chances of you just getting hurt, or the chances of you-” You cut off, blinking rapidly before looking at the ground.

 

“They’re within a healthy margin.”

 

 

You look up again, your face twitching in anger. _Shit_. “Jarvis, your primary coding-”

 

“-is to ensure his safety, but to also follow my other directives, such as withholding information due-”

 

“I heard you the first time, now tell me the chances so I know if I need to stop him.”

 

“Captain-”

 

“I’m not asking again.”

 

“While his suit is a Faraday cage by itself, his arc reactor would absorb some of the electricity, and the shrapnel would magnify the voltage.”

 

 

“Fucking Christ, Tony. You-”

 

“Want to save this town and the rest of Kansas from getting destroyed by these aliens.” I finish, and you press your mouth into a line.

 

“We’ll find some other way to contain them.”

 

 

“Hulk smash them all.”

 

 

I laugh. “Hulk, buddy, I don’t think you can.”

 

 

 

Next thing I know, you’re shaking me, right up in my face. “Take this seriously.”

 

“I am. He’s just-”

 

“You have to think of another way.”

 

“What do you think I’ve been doing for the past thirty minutes?”

 

“You can’t turn yourself into a lightning rod.”

 

“Why can’t I-”

 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.”

 

 

“Seriously, do we have to listen to this mush over comms?” Clint complains, and a small part of my mind registers his words and dismisses them as I stare at you, not breathing.

 

 

“You-”

 

“I love you. Please find another way, I can’t lose you, or even see you hurt.”


	5. #4: Over a cup of tea

In this universe, everyone is waylaid by the common cold.

 

-

 

It started innocently enough.

 

Bruce came down to breakfast one morning with a slight cough, sniffling occasionally. He said it was probably the bug that had been sweeping the helicarrier this flu season, and that with his modified DNA, he’d be better in a day or two.

 

You started sneezing a few hours later, trying to work on your armor despite it. You had pulled your shirt up to cover the bottom half of your face so you didn’t have to clean your suit, and Jarvis had told me to drag you out of the workshop.

 

Clint didn’t get it until the next day and he got it much worse than you two did initially. We woke to the sounds of him puking and yelling at Jarvis at five in the morning.

 

You three always got like this once or twice a year due to living in close quarters in the tower, but Natasha and I decided to sentence you to your rooms when Thor came back from Asgard sick with the Asgardian equivalent of the common cold. Not soon enough though- you all catch it on top of the human cold.

 

Bruce gathers samples for Jarvis to investigate, and the AI says it only needed time and wasn’t going to be serious.

 

We run out of cold medicine quickly, running out of energy taking care of you four much sooner.

 

Natasha is flat-out asleep on top of the island in the kitchen as the kettles screams. I quietly take it off the burner, whispering with Jarvis to find out if you’re still awake. He says you are due to the terrible cough that interrupts your sleep. Your lack of sleep before this- three days straight running on only five hours- has made you one of the longer and worse cases. You grumble that Jarvis is just worrying, exaggerating with the algorithms he’s been constantly running.

 

You’re incomprehensible when I walk in, my brain sorting out something along the lines of a complaint about Jarvis and that you’re fine.

 

You cough, it shaking your whole body. I carefully hand the hot mug to you, hearing you sigh as you wrap your hands around the warmth. Jarvis had told me to not even try after the first time I warned it would burn you if you grabbed it like that.

 

Just as you move to take a sip, and I turn to leave, you sniff loudly, and I turn around to see your face twitching. I hastily sit on the edge of your bed to steady the mug as you make to sneeze.

 

You grumble when you don’t, giving a weak thumbs up, taking a sip. You sigh again, smiling slightly, shutting your eyes. Jarvis had directed me to put honey in because your mother used to when you got sick as a child. Your face is red and puffy but you’re still beautiful as you smile peacefully. My heart skips a beat. I catch myself, getting up to go to the door.

 

I stop when you clear your throat, speaking in a hoarse, nasally voice.

 

“I  love you.”

 

 _What_?

 

I turn around, expecting an attempt at a smirk because that _had_ to have been sarcasm.

 

You’re as serious as you can look with bleary eyes and my heart starts beating fast.

 

“I love you.”

 

You repeat it, and I blink slowly.

 

I must look shocked because you start laughing, having to set down your mug when it turns into a cough.

 

“Perhaps you should wait until you’re better, Sir,” Jarvis advises as you go to speak only to cough worse.

 

You hold your hands up in defeat, picking back up the mug and staring at me.

 

“I-”

 

“I love you too, Tony, but Jarvis is right.”

 

You pout and I smile.

 

“And Captain, we are not certain if you can catch the Asgardian common cold, you’re supposed to limit exposure.”

 

I nod. “I love you, Tony.”

 

“Captain, you should-”

 

“Alright, alright.” I walk out, thinking of winking at you, but decide I should not make you laugh again.


	6. #5: Over a beer bottle

In this universe, you'd been advising and following along with the mission from the tower (you were tired and wanted to stay), but Jarvis cut you off mid-mission,  _mid-sentence_ , and wouldn't let you back on. The radio silence drags on, and I grow increasingly worried. I don't stop to eat or change after the mission, heading to your workshop.

 

 

- 

 

Most of the lights are off in your workshop, the hallway outside not revealing much. It takes my eyes a few moments to adjust, and my legs threaten to stop holding me up when I see all the bottles surrounding you. You’re sitting faced away from me, bare-chested, batting at Dum-E sloppily. There’s shattered things- pieces of your armor, gadgets, the arrows you were working on for Clint- thrown around your workshop as if you’d started destroying it.

 

I take a deep breath, walking in, you need to go to bed, we’ll fix this tomorrow-

 

My legs do collapse when I reach you to see dark, thick lines spreading out from your arc reactor.

 

You take a minute to process me before drunkenly reaching for my shirt, grabbing a fistful of it, pulling me towards you-

 

-your lips taste like beer, whiskey, and several others I can’t identify because I am freaking out. If you weren’t drunk, I’d be sinking into this kiss. I had been trying to deny it for months when Jarvis pointed out-privately, thank god- that my heart rate accelerated and my pupils dilated every time I saw you.

 

 

I gently push you away, my hand cupping your face. You start blinking, breath raspy as you steel yourself up for something.

 

 

“-r’ve you.”

 

_You’re drunk, you’re drunk, you’re drunk-_

 

 

You start crying, clawing at me until I’m hugging you. I press my face into your hair, shutting my eyes before looking up at the ceiling.

 

“Sir is suffering from Palladium poisoning, Captain. His arc reactor is killing him.”

 

“How long-” I don’t know how I produce the words.

 

“Unless he finds a solution, and not adjusting for various random factors, he’ll be dead within two weeks.”

 

I let out a noise, hugging you tighter as I put my head back in your hair. I find your wrist to feel your pulse, crying as I feel it.

 

 

 

“We’ll fix this, Tony, I love you.”

 

You shake your head, your movements getting slow, the tension dropping from your body as you fall asleep. I can’t even hear Jarvis as I hold you, sitting in your dark lab as DUM-E beeps and I cry.

 

_I love you._


	7. #6: On a Tuesday, the sun glowing in your hair

In this universe, the villains have been relentless for months and we’ve barely had time to even talk to each other about anything but missions.

 

-

 

In the past three months, we’ve had to fight two alien invasions, Hydra, AIM, Atuma-

 

-and you’re in the training room sparring with Natasha. Clint is laying on the floor nearby, ice pack covering his entire face. I walk over and lightly kick him, Clint trying to grab my leg with one hand while the other holds the ice pack in place.

 

“Jarvis, how many times had Clint been incapacitated because he thought he could hold his own against either of these two?”

 

Clint gives me the finger. “Jarvis, how many times has he been incapacitated because he thought he could hold his own against either of these two?”

 

 

“Less than you, Clint. You do appear to be more of a ‘trouble magnet’ compared to the others.”

 

 

“Hey, don’t flick off Jarvis, you made him this sassy.”

 

“And who coded him?”

 

“He wasn’t like this before.”

 

“Did you come down here to aggravate me?”

 

“No, I came to watch Steve’s butt while he was sparring.”

 

“Get the fuck out of here.”

 

Clint blindly goes to grab my ankle again, and I step back.

 

 

“Baby, leave him alone.”

 

I look up to see you leaning against the ropes, Natasha behind you with her arms crossed.

 

 

“Only if you come with me.”

 

“What’s up?”

 

 

“Steve, if you don’t live the ring in three seconds I will throw you across the training room.” Natasha shoves you, and I hold out my hand to hold yours when you get close.

 

 

As soon as we’re out of the training room, I press you into a wall to kiss you passionately.

 

When you pull back for air, I see just how worn down and stressed you are. A sad look crosses your face as I stare, and you look down.  

 

 

“Come on. I prepared a surprise.”

 

“A surprise?”

 

You look up, raising an eyebrow, and I pull you to the lift.

 

 

“What is it?” You bump me with your shoulder.

 

“Come on, then it would ruin the surprise, Steve.”

 

“If I make out with you, will you tell me?”

 

“No.”

 

You grab my face to lazily kiss me anyways.

 

“Nope, still not- mgmng-”

 

The doors beep, opening, and I try to pull back, but you just follow me, walking me out to the roof backwards.

 

 

You slow down the kiss, breaking it as you start sniffing.

 

“Is that- that’s a lot of food.”

 

I laugh, my head still spinning a bit from the kiss, and pull you over to the blanket.

 

 

For several minutes, it’s just you eating an absurd amount of food, making happy noises. You eventually slow down, looking at me with a soft smile on your face.

 

 

“Tony?”

 

“Yes, babe?”

 

“You’re-” you break off, your face flushing.

 

“I’m-”

 

“You’re _beautiful_.”

 

“You are too.”

 

“No, I mean you are the most beautiful person in the entire world.”

 

“Someone’s getting sleepy because they ate too much.”

 

 

You roll your eyes, reaching to cup my face.

 

“Tony, you’re _gorgeous_.”

 

The sincerity in your eyes- I feel mine getting a little wet, and you brush a tear as it falls down my cheek.

 

“Tony, I love you so much.”

 

It takes a second for that to process in my mind- I’m sleepy from eating too much food as well- and I feel my breath stop as my eyes widen. Your breath must have stopped too because, for a moment, we hang suspended in quiet sunshine. _You love me_.

 

 

_You love me._

 

A smile spreads across my face, my head spinning again as I close the distance between us. I knock you over, kissing you before pulling back.

 

“I love you too, Steve.”


	8. #7: As a thank you

In this universe, you’re complaining as you lay in a bed in the tower’s medbay. Your leg is broken, your whole body bruised, and you have a concussion. You’re surly and dramatic to hide just how much pain you’re in.

 

-

 

“I’m going to die.” You throw an arm across your eyes, and I look up tiredly.

 

“No, you’re not, Tony.”

 

“You’re going to regret that attitude when you’re holding my body.”

 

“Me? Attitude?”

 

“Oh, fuck you.”

 

“Not until you’re better.”

 

 

You grab the pillow propping up your leg, throwing it towards me.

 

I catch the pillow as it goes over my head, sighing as I stand up to put it back under your leg.

 

 

“This is ridiculous-” You cross your arms, grumbling. “No one else got injured, not even Clint-”

 

“Yeah, no one else decided they needed to bodily throw themselves at the aliens.”

 

“Would you just leave me to my misery?”

 

 

 

You try to turn away when I sit on the bed.

 

“Tony-”

 

“Don’t need the lecture.”

 

“I wasn’t-”

 

“Or your pity.”

 

 

I reach for your face, gently moving it to look at me.

 

“Tony, it’s not pity, I’m just worried.”

 

“Yeah, you like me, yadda yadda-” you shove my hand off your face.

 

“Yes, I do, so let me take care of you.”

 

“You’re not letting me do anything, you even shut off Jarvis in the medbay.”

 

“That’s because you need to relax. You have a horrible concussion.”

 

 

 

Your eyes soften, the tension dropping out of your body as you reach for my hand.

 

“I’m in so much pain, Steve.”

 

“I know, baby.”

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

I lean down to peck you on the lips. “It’s okay, I understand. Are you hungry?”

 

You nod slowly.

 

“I’ll get you food. I’ll be right back.” You nod again, and I kiss your hand before getting up.

 

-

 

Now comes the difficult part- helping you sit up without putting any pressure on the bruises lining your entire body.

 

I set the bowl of macaroni and cheese on the table by your bed, my hand going to support your back as you sit up, your arms shaking with the strain. You get upright, immediately grabbing me and hiding your face in my neck.

 

“I love you.”

 

I’m frozen for a moment before I brush the hair out of your face to press a kiss to your forehead.

 

“I love you too, Tony.”


	9. #8: As an apology

In this universe, time is not moving as I watch a grenade flying at my face.

 

-

 

Relatively speaking, this is one of the most normal battles we’ve fought in a long time. No aliens, no horror from the depths of the earth or a mad scientist’s lab, just humans. Very angry, heavily armed humans, but humans nonetheless.

 

Clint had run out of arrows pretty quickly picking off snipers and watching our back from the rooftops and was relegated to evacuation duty as the chaos continued to spread.

 

I haven’t seen you for a good fifteen minutes, but know you’re alive, if the steady stream of swears coming through the comms is any indication.

  


“Jarvis, can you mute him until he actually needs the comms?”

 

“Come on, I’d take fucking aliens over these shithead assholes-”

 

“I can hear nothing but you through the comms.”

 

“I thought you liked the sound of my voice.”

  


I’m about to give a sarcastic reply when I turn to see a grenade flying at me. The serum improved my reflexes and I should be able to get out of the way or even just raise my shield in time. I stand frozen as I watch it, though, the noises of the battle fading as time slows. Distantly I hear your voice as you call out to me, but can’t interpret the specific sounds.

 

 

You tackle me at such a high speed the air is knocked out of me, time speeding up as you twist, hugging me to your stomach.

 

The grenade lands, my ears ringing as your armor screeches against the pavement for several yards until we slowly grate to a stop.

 

“Thank god.”

  


You let me go, sitting up immediately to see if I’m hurt. I’m holding my head as the ringing continues, and you shake me gently, your faceplate going up.

  


“You could have been injured or even killed!” I whip my head up, screaming as you wince.

  


You run your armored hand through your hair before looking at me intensely.

  


“Steve, I love you, if you’d-”

  
  


“Hey, if he’s okay, we’ve kind of got a battle here-” Natasha came over the comms.

  
  


“Let the buzzing die out in his ears at least-” you grumble, helping me stand up, holding me until you’re sure I’m steady and okay.

 

You’re about to take off again when I grab your arm.

  


“Tony, I love you too.”

  


I can feel your smile through the faceplate, and I return it tiredly as you take off.


	10. #9: When baking chocolate chip cookies

In this universe, it's your birthday. You always roll your eyes when I cook for you as a gift, or try to.

 

-

 

“Are you sure you’re not going to burn down the tower?”

 

I give Natasha a look and she shrugs.

 

 

“You do not have the best track record cooking things-”

 

“Clint, I barely burnt those pancakes.”

 

“Why do you have to try to cook for him every birthday and every anniversary every year?”

 

“What else do you get a billionaire when you’re broke?”

 

“You literally went to art school. Paint him something so we don’t lose our home.”

 

“I’m not that bad, and Jarvis will be watching.”

 

 

“That may not be enough, but you are welcome to try.”

 

 

I shoot the ceiling a look as Natasha snickers. “Okay, Steve, we’ll keep him occupied, are you sure you don’t-”

 

“I have fought aliens, I can cook chocolate-chip cookies.”

 

Natasha snickers again, pushing a wary Clint towards the lift as Bruce and Thor follow her.

 

 

“Are you sure, Captain? Sir does like your artwork-”

 

“I can cook, Jarvis.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

-

 

Cooking should be easy. I should be able to cook.

 

Yet the kitchen is full of smoke, Jarvis running the alarm- Clint probably talked him into it- and I stand uselessly trying to dissipate the smoke as I wave a towel.

 

 

I hear you, and my heart sinks.

 

“I knew they were acting suspiciously.” You lean against the doorframe, fanning away some of the smoke as it finally dissipates.

 

“I- I tried, the cookies just-” I wave my hand at the oven.

 

You come in, standing on your toes to kiss me before taking the hot pads from my hands.

 

“I can’t believe I have to eat these.” You set the sheet on the counter, looking at the charred cookies.

 

“You don’t have to eat them.”

 

“It was a labor of love, misguided but still sentimental, I have to eat them.” You pop one into your mouth, immediately rushing to the trash to spit it out. “Steve, love, you put salt instead of sugar in.”

 

 

“Jarvis?”

 

“Ordering cheesecake, Captain.”

 

 

Before I know it, you’ve shoved a cookie into my mouth, immediately kissing me, forcing me to swallow it.

 

“God, I am such a bad cook-”

 

“It was a sweet gesture, just salty cookies.”

 

“Very funny.” I frown, but you just smile wide, and the corners of my lips tug up.

 

“I love you, but next time, how about we cook together so you don’t ruin perfectly good chocolate?”

 

“Alright, fine.”

 

 

“Mmmm. Jarvis, how long-”

 

 

“At least thirty minutes, Sir. There is a lot of traffic today.”

 

 

You raise your eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes before pulling you back in for a kiss. Your lips are still salty, and I lick them, you melting in my arms.

 

“I love you, Tony. Happy Birthday.”


	11. #10: Not said to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking of deleting the first chapter and sticking with these slightly longer vignettes.

In this universe, the tension rises in the air when Jarvis announces Commander Hill is coming. Coming about  _you_ \- you've been gone longer than you said you would be.

 

-

 

“Tony, would you _please_ stop brooding.” Natasha pauses the tv, giving me an exasperated look.

 

“Something’s gone wrong, I can just feel it.”

 

“Your boyfriend is okay.”

 

 

Clint whines “I just ate, Nat-”

 

 

“He’s not my-” I bury my face into the pillow on my lap, Natasha sliding across the couch to hug me.

 

“If you don’t fucking tell him you like him when he gets back, I will kill you.”

 

“Mmmmhppf.”

 

 

“Natasha, Clint, Sir- Commander Hill wishes to have me alert you she is coming for an urgent matter.”

 

“If it’s that report, she can turn around now.”

 

“I don’t believe it is, Natasha. Thor and Bruce are on their way to the conference room, I will stop the lift on your floor. It will arrive in 25 seconds.”

  


“He’s dead.”

 

“Tony, he is not dead, you’re just a drama queen. Now move your butt.”

 

Natasha shoves me when I don’t move, taking the pillow as I start walking to the lift with it.

 

-

 

“We needed someone to covertly spy on old Hydra bases. Specifically, a one-man team-” Hill started as soon as she walked into the conference room, sending Jarvis information that he projected onto the table’s surface.

 

“And you didn’t ask me?”

 

“Romanov, he was familiar with the area from the past.”

 

“How many check-ins has he missed?”

 

“All of them.”

 

 

“And you’re just telling us _NOW_?”

 

Hill raises an eyebrow at me, and I sit back down.

 

 

“We’ve sent in several agents, discarding stealth and moving to four-man teams forty-seven days ago. None have come back.”

  


“They’re all dead.” I bury my head in my arms just as Hill turns to look at Natasha.

 

“Don’t ask, he’s been like this since Steve’s been gone.”

 

“Alright,” Hill answers slowly before clearing her throat and swiping on the table.

 

 

“This is a map of the area, I have full reports that I’ve cleared you for about the targets, I would advise you to-”

 

 

I tune her out, staring at the wall across from me.

 

After what feels like hours, I’m brought back to the room as everyone scrambles to get ready. I avoid Hill’s sad and curious look, following the others out.

 

 

Since it’s armor and go, although Jarvis insists I design an undersuit, I wander down to your rooms.

 

 

They’re dusty, cold, still and I feel my heart drop when I find your shield, sitting down on the floor as I turn it in my hands.

 

“I love you.” The words sound weak in the quiet and stillness and they hang in the air.

 

“Sir?”

 

“Don’t repeat that, Jarvis.”

 

“Very well.”

 

The silence rises again.

 

 _I should have told you before the mission_. I swipe at my eyes as they start getting wet, trying to not let the floodgates of my memories open.

  


“Tony, come on, we’ve got to rescue Steve and everyone’s rea- you’re crying?”

 

I avoid Clint’s eyes, looking down at the shield in my hands as he pulls me up.

 

“He’s going to be okay. We’ve just got to find him. Come on.”

 

 

I let Clint drag me to the lift.

  
  
_I should have told you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did this list of prompts have one that's NSFW... I'm not emotionally stable enough for that.....


	12. #11: With a shuttering gasp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, that's all your getting for the nsfw prompt.

In this universe, for hours, none of the team knew if you would live as we paced outside SHIELD medical.

 

-

 

The doors to the lift are barely shut after Bruce gets out, leaving us alone, that I shove you against the wall, mashing our faces together desperately.

 

You respond in kind, picking me up as you tumble out of the lift, tripping on something, and we land on the floor.

 

 

I pull back as you exclaim in pain, but you quickly pull me back down.

 

 

“Almost lost, Steve- need you-”

 

My shirt comes off before you flip us, moving to my neck as I ramble.

 

 

I pull up your shirt, ghosting my fingers over the dark bruises on your sides, making you shiver. You take off your shirt, resting your forehead on mine to catch your breath.

 

“I- I almost-”

 

“I know-”

 

 

Your tongue is in my mouth and I grab at your back, moaning.

 

 

You lift me up with one hand under my back- _god that’s hot_ \- and my pants are off. The sweatpants SHIELD gave you when you went through medical come off easily. I grab your face, covering your mouth as I laugh.

 

“With your injuries, bed.”

 

“Bed.” You agree, picking me up again before we fall onto the bed.

 

 

“Steve, I almost lost you.”

 

I kiss you softly, and you return it, the back of your hand stroking my cheek.

 

“I’m alive, baby.”

 

 

The kiss turns sloppy again before you move to kiss the scars around my arc reactor.

 

 

“Oh- _oh-_ ”

 

“God, I- _oh god_ \- love-” My brain fritzes and I feel you smile against my stomach before you’re kissing me again, holding my face, both of us whispering into the other's mouths. 

 

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you.”


	13. #12: Laying together on the fresh spring grass

In this universe, Peter's been bouncing and dragging us as we walk to the park.

 

-

 

“I getta play with other kids?” Peter looks up with wide eyes, pulling at my pants and pointing at the playground.

 

“Yes, Petey, you do.” I squat, kissing his forehead.

 

“Scared, papa.”

 

 

You sit down next to me. “We’ll be right here if you need us.”

 

“No shield.”

 

 

I laugh, pulling him in for a hug.

 

“Petey, we don’t need to be superheroes to protect our baby.”

 

“ _Papa_ , I’m three, don’- don’ embress- embarrr-”

 

“Embarrass?”

 

“Yeah, embrarress!”

 

“Sorry, you’ll always been our baby.”

 

“Even when I grow?”

 

“Especially when you grow.”

 

“ _Papa_ -”

 

“I think you’ve been around Uncle Clint too much.”

 

Peter pouts.

 

 

“Papa just loves you, Peter. And so do I.”

 

“To the moon ‘n back Dada?”

 

 

You look like you’re about to cry and I put an arm around your shoulder as you sniff.

 

 

“To the moon and back, Petey. Go play with the other kids, we’ll be right here.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

“Why you wear watch then?”

 

 

I put my face in my hand as you twist to look at me.

 

“Tony, you brought-”

 

 

“Not ‘possed to say that?”

 

I take a deep breath, looking back up and taking Peter’s hand. “Papa just worries a lot because he loves his baby.”

 

“Embrarress me.”

 

“You’ll be safe, go on.”

 

“Okay, Papa.”

 

 

He runs a few feet away before turning and running back to us for a hug. You make a choking sound as he turns to run to the playground, kids already waving and shouting at him.

 

 

“You brought the watch?”

 

“Honey, we’re the Avengers, and he’s our baby. If Atuma comes and-”

 

“We’re miles inland, I don’t think one of our villains is going to swoop down and get our baby.”

 

 

“God, I am not going to survive next year.”

 

“I don’t even want to think that he’ll be old enough for Kindergarten soon.”

 

“Our baby.”

  


“Come on, lets spread that blanket and sit down before you hurt your knees squatting like that.”

 

“I’m not that old, Steve.”

 

“Then what’s the silver hair?”

 

My hands shoot up to my head as you fall down, laughing.

 

“Steve-”

  


 

You pull me to the bag we brought with snacks, sunscreen, and juice, spreading the blanket, tugging on my hand when you sit down. I take off the watch, putting it in the bag with a nervous breath.

 

“Tony, he’s safe. The others are on duty, you’re not."

 

“I know, I know-” I grumble, cuddling into you as we watch him.

 

“He’s already making friends, Tony.”

 

“Peter was in diapers last week, I swear.”

 

“I love you.”

 

 

I shut my eyes, relaxing, as you kiss my forehead.

 

 

“I love you too, Steve.”


	14. #13: In a letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dramatic, kind of intense, long, and I hate tenses
> 
> also, need to learn more about all the young avengers
> 
> long-winded exposition should just be my middle name.......

In this universe, we had a huge argument, and you left for Malibu.

 

-

 

“Captain, Sir specifically requested no calls from you are to be put through unless it was an emergency.”

 

“I fucked up so bad this time.”

 

“I believe he will want to talk to you again eventually. He just needs alone time.”

 

I stop pacing, lying face-first on the floor.

  


“The Fantastic Four need our help exploring some portals that have released distress signals, SHIELD has more heroes they want us to bring into the fold, I need you to double check a report Fury-” Natasha stops, looking up from the pad in her hand. “-he’s still not talking to you?”

 

I nod my head.

 

 

“Jarvis have any-”

 

“Sir has directed me to delete any messages the Captain might send.”

 

 

“Steve, send a letter.”

 

“That will take forever to arrive.”

 

“You have been hanging around the young heroes way too much.”

 

I sit up sighing. “I’m not hanging around them, I turn around and suddenly there’s four of them following me. It’s gotten worse since Tony left.”

 

“Is that why you’re hiding here?”

 

“I’m not hiding.”

 

She raises an eyebrow.

 

“I’m hiding.”

 

 

“I’ll go rope Sam, Bucky and Thor into the portal missions, you write a letter to idiot number two.”

 

“Don’t forget to let some kids tag along.”

 

“I am not chaperoning kids through the multiverse.”

 

“They need experience, and Thor will happily be the mom- they love him anyway.”

 

“Fine. Jarvis, make sure he writes that letter.”

 

 

“I will, ma’am. Good luck traversing the multiverse.”

 

 

Natasha leaves, and I lay back on the floor.

 

 

“Captain, are you going to write-”

 

“He’ll just tear it up.”

 

“If he does, he will eventually ask me what it said.”

  


 

“I could always tell the young Avengers where you are and that you need cheering up.”

 

“All right, I’ll write it.” I haul myself off the floor, rubbing my eyes. So much of my life has become electronic that there’s barely a scrap of paper in the tower except for the study room for the heroes still in school. I consider the fact of possibly walking into a room full of kids who would do anything to try to get out of homework. I love them, but they’re more energetic than Thor on coffee. And they drink copious amounts of caffeine too. Bruce nearly hulked out once when he found you sitting in the room, trying to out-drink them in caffeine, being egged on and losing spectacularly.

 

Besides that room, the only paper is the occasional SHIELD report and my sketchbook.

 

I carefully tear a page out of the book, sitting back down on the floor with a pen and my sketchbook as a hard surface. Jarvis thankfully stays quiet as I sit and stare at nothingness.

 

 

What do I even say? Thanks to the serum, I haven’t forgotten a single word or expression from the argument. How your eyes flashed with anger, your shoulders tensing up as you curl your hands into half-fists on the kitchen island, yelling until your voice got thin from lack of air. I had stood, stool knocked over, on the other side of the island, food abandoned as I yelled back.

 

And god, it was so _stupid_.

 

 

Rather than use a team effort to end AIM’s latest scheme to take over the world, you had flown in, full-blast, into the cloud of an unknown, swirling energy, the cyclone spitting you right back out. You ended up going through an entire office building, Thor catching you inches from the ground on the other side, your armor and arc reactor dead. He had flown you to the tower, the Hulk jumping up the tower before reaching the helipad, becoming Bruce as soon as he was on solid ground.

 

It was years before we were able to shut down the machine, tracking down all the AIM drones as they tried to flee. Jarvis was refusing to update me on your status, and the world was getting quieter and more distant before Sam shook me hard, picking me up and flying to the helipad of the tower.

 

 

Thor had to hold me back as I tried to rush into the medbay, explaining some of the shrapnel had reached your heart, causing massive internal bleeding.

 

 

Slowly, everyone who had fought gathered in the hallway outside medbay, still covered in dirt, blood, and sweat, many dropping quickly to the ground as soon as they left the lift, they were so tired. After Natasha promised to keep me from running in, Thor went into the medbay for some of our first aid kits. The monotony of dressing wounds kept me occupied as I tried to listen for any news of your condition.

 

 

Two hours later, Jarvis announced you would be okay, and said I was allowed in as long as I kept it brief and didn’t excite you.

 

Bruce was dropped dead in a chair by your bed, and I avoided your eyes as I got a cloth to clean the blood- your blood- off his hands.

 

 

“Steve-”

 

 _God your voice was weak_. I squeezed Bruce’s hands too hard as I tried to take calming breaths, Bruce only making a small noise in response before going back to sleep.

 

 

“Yell a’me later, I just- love you, and nearly-” you drop off, and I finally turn to you.

 

Bruce had cut you partially out of your undersuit, and the dark fabric framed your bloody chest, the scars around your arc reactor joined by newer, angrier ones. Your face was pale, drained of color as you struggled to keep your bleary eyes open.

 

 

“Tony-”

 

My legs feel weak as I walk to you, taking the hand you stretch out, kissing it before leaning down to kiss you softly.

 

 

Jarvis interrupts us when you return it hungrily, your heart monitor speeding up, and I’m directed to leave you to heal and to carry Bruce to a proper bed. We share one more long look before you fall asleep and I walk out, the bottom of my stomach gone.

 

It had been a week before Bruce let you out of the medbay, and you found me in the kitchen poking at a bowl of leftovers.

 

 

You knew I had a lecture boiling under the surface- I always did when you were reckless- and had tried to goad it out to get it over with. My saying it could wait eventually exploded into the argument, and Jarvis later told me he had played music throughout the occupied rooms in the tower because our voices carried so much.

 

You had ended up storming out, grabbing the pad from a very scared Peter Parker, coding so Jarvis wouldn’t be able to prevent you from leaving, overriding Bruce’s directives.

 

I had collapsed into what I thought was a stool only to sink heavily and quickly to the floor, Peter shooting a web and pulling away the stool before it hit me.

 

“Captain?”

 

I just shook my head, taking shaky breaths, and he eventually left. Clint would later haul me out of the kitchen, saying everyone was starving but too afraid to be around me.

 

 

 

_When I first met you, I thought you were a show-off devoted to flashy displays of heroic acts._

 

_You are so brave, so stalwart, beautiful- stubborn-_

 

_You are only human, you jump into danger far too often when it could hurt you_

 

_I know that’s part of being a hero, that danger comes with the job, I’m aware of the irony of my anger because I’ve been in the bed before as you lecture me on how stupid I had been, how I should have waited, thought it through, you couldn’t bare to lose me-_

 

_I can’t bare to lose you either, Tony. Your armor makes me forget how - god, you’ll hate this- how fragile you are... how easily I could come back to the tower with the team but not you, alive and walking by me._

 

_I’m sorry_

 

 

_I love you, I need you to know that. With all my heart. God I-_

  


_I want to marry you Tony. If the world had stopped being chaotic for one second- if you-_

 

 

_I love you. I need you to know that._

 

-

 

“How did you even get the mail?”

 

I pull the stack from Dum-E as he beeps excitedly before laying his claw back on my leg, giving one long, low-pitched beep.

 

It’s a bunch of junk and I’ve just thrown it down on the nearest surface when an envelope decides to fall to the floor.

 

 

I go to bend down to get it, Dum-E beating me to it, handing it to me. I roll my eyes at him as he lays his claw back on my leg, looking down to see who the letter is from. _It’s quicker to email me_ -

 

My hands twitch when I see your writing, your hand obviously shaky as you wrote my name and address.

 

 

For a second, I consider throwing it across the room or ripping it up, but my hands shake too as I open it, hungrily reading your words before I’m hunched over, hand over my mouth as I try not to cry.


	15. #14: A whisper in the ear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More light and higher temps means I now feel nauseous every time I go outside!

In this universe, the public doesn't know about us, and everyone is hitting on us.

 

-

 

“Tony, you’re being too obvious again.”

 

“If you keep leaning in to whisper to me, people are going to talk.”

 

“Better an ex-carny than America’s sweetheart.”

 

I grumble.

 

 

He’s right of course- the Avengers are public figures, carefully crafted public figures, and SHIELD directed us to hide any of our relationships as well as we could in public, especially around media or camera-happy teenagers.

 

_But god, you look gorgeous-_

 

 

 

“Tony, you’re staring again.”

 

I look down at the ground. “How much longer is this party?”

 

“People have given Nat the impression it’s going to last a while.”

 

“Why was I such a partier, could _this please_ be over?”

 

“Do you want Jarvis to engineer a disaster?”

 

 

 

“You two need to stop whispering to each other.”

 

 

Clint blushes red as Natasha comes over to join us, hands on her hips.

 

“You think I’m too obvious?”

 

 

“Tony, please shut-” Natasha and Clint exchange looks as they speak in unison, Clint looking at the floor, Natasha the ceiling.

 

 

“Natasha, are people really expecting this to go on forever?”

 

She looks back down, nodding. “If I get hit on one more time, I’ll throw them-”

 

 

“People are hitting on you?”

 

“Clint, it’s nothing I can’t handle. Everyone in this room knows I could kill them and make it look like an accident.”

 

“But still- Tony, stop looking at Steve.”

 

 

 

“I’m getting a new drink, bye.” I move around Clint, who catches my arm as I pass. “Now that is how you get people to-”

 

“That’s where he is, are you going to do something impulsive?”

 

I roll my eyes. “I am not going to kiss Steve as much as I want to.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

 

He eyes me for a moment before letting go, Natasha watching me warily before walking away from Clint, who goes back to looking at the floor, shifting his weight.

 

 

I end up edging my way out of conversations as I cross the room to the bar by offering to fix drinks, flashing smiles and winks, generating the kind of comments people expect from me.

 

 

“I’m exhausted.” I slump against the bar, hiding it in the fact I can barely reach over the damn thing-

 

“Me too.”

 

We exchange a look out of the corners of our eyes.

 

“Is anyone looking?” My voice is barely a whisper, but thanks to your super hearing, you hear me.

 

“You’re Tony Stark and I’m Captain America, everyone is looking.” Your mouth barely moves.

 

“I think you’re exaggerating.”

 

“It’s the 21st century, I should be able to have a fella.”

 

 

You clear your throat pointedly when I make to turn to smile and laugh, and I shut my eyes.

 

 

“I love you.”

 

 

You inhale sharply.

 

“What?”

 

 

“I love you, Steve.” I open my eyes, looking at you as much as I dare.

 

“Goddamn it.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I love you too, Tony. But you should probably leave.”

  


 

 

“Or we could give SHIELD the finger and kiss.”

 

You sigh shakily.

 

“Steve, I am tired of flirting with everyone whenever I am in public because it’s expected of me. I want people to know.”

 

“How much chaos will erupt if we kiss?”

 

“A lot.”

 

“I don’t fucking care.”

 

“I- I should leave.”

 

 

You shift closer to me and we exchange another look out of the corners of our eyes.

  


“Tony, our lives are too dangerous, we could- could lose each other at any time.” Your voice rises above a whisper, and you turn to face me directly, a ripple almost immediately going through the crowd of people behind us- or maybe I imagine it, my pulse is starting to pound in my ears.

 

I bite my lips, looking at you fully.

 

The hand closest to you twitches, and I swallow nervously. “Are we doing this?”

 

“I think we are.”

 

 

And you close the distance between us, wrapping your arms around my waist as I hold your face, both of us tense.

 

Ending the kiss means facing the now dead silent room, and my fingers grab at your face as you go to pull back, and you lean back in.

 

 

You’re shaking slightly when you do pull back, my breath catching as my heart jams into my throat.

 

 

“God.” Your voice is barely even a whisper as you hug me close, burying your face in my neck as I likewise collapse into you, shutting my eyes.

 

“We did that.”

 

“Whatever happens, I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Steve.”


	16. #15: Loud, so everyone can hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack and slight drowning tw... 
> 
>  
> 
> [If you don't know what drowning actually looks like, read this.](https://www.soundingsonline.com/voices/drowning-doesnt-look-like-drowning)
> 
>  
> 
> I told you long-winded exposition is basically my first name by now.

In this universe, no one knows about us, and I'm breaking down standing alone at the podium in front of the vicious press.

 

-

 

The muscles in my back are tense, and it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have left to not hunch up my shoulders. The nails of my hands are digging into my palms where I’ve hidden them on the podium, my jaw muscles shaking too much- not enough to notice from a distance, but close- my voice feeling too wobbly and clumsy. I’ve been in front of cameras and the press for as long as I remember, but the idea still makes me want to throw up sometimes.

 

Especially when nearly everyone in the room is angry- furious, even- at me, because I had been less than perfect, less than exemplary, because I had done something and they wanted to pick it apart-

 

Today, the tension in the room is because of the artificial meteors the Avengers- namely, me- ‘let’ fall into the Atlantic, which caused horrific flooding.  Thirty people are still in critical condition in hospitals across Manhattan.

 

 

The image of a drowning person screaming and waving their arms is wrong.

 

 

 

It’s silent.

 

 

 

There may be screams at first, but they quickly die out.

 

Silence is the worst thing to hear when attempting rescues. It feels like the quiet before a storm breaks, like everything is waiting to get worse, even though the scene is already horrific.

 

 

Clint had taken the outskirts of the disaster, you and Natasha slightly deeper thanks to your improved lung capacity, but still in the fringes. The Hulk jumped without hesitation into the deepest water, Thor and I air-pacing above, dipping down far too infrequently when we saw- or he saw, I scanned with heat vision- someone. SHIELD had eventually deployed rafts, also scanning for heat signatures, although the window to do that was closing all too fast.

 

 

The water wasn’t receding, and despite the adrenaline, I had fallen asleep, diving head first into the water with repulsors pushing me down deep before I could hand remote control to Jarvis. It was human- but I wasn’t supposed to be human, but something more. Thor had to fish me out, flying to the helipad of the tower and waiting until I got out of the suit. He had rattled off an empty threat I still knew to take somewhat seriously if I got back into the armor or tried to help.

 

And because of that, because I was human and had diverted Thor and attention away from the rescue effort, I had become the point of hatred for the public still reeling from the disaster.

 

 

Like I haven’t been having a panic attack since the first meteor hit the water, like I’m not ready to drop right here, in public, in front of cameras, from exhaustion.  

 

 

The reporters weren’t being quiet, but arguing and discussing between themselves as others shouted questions. Mostly insults. The amount of noise in the room was making it harder and harder to hear as the room starting rushing inwards. I blinked at the reporter who had just yelled at me, realizing I hadn’t heard enough to even deduce what it was about-

 

 

I feel your hand in the small of my back before it moves to my hip, supporting me as I nearly do collapse. This- the implication of something between us- will only add to the chaos. I should care or worry about that. Not even thinking of what shit Hill or Fury would give us. I just fall into you, and you catch me.

 

“Leave him alone.”

 

Someone, distantly, replies as I shut my eyes.

 

“I’m protecting him because I-”

 

 

You stop, and the voice, maybe a different one, speaks again.

 

 

“-because I love him.”

 

 

Later, I’m not sure if I actually pass out or just zone out. Jarvis says it’s the former, or he thinks so. All I remember is a roar of noise and your strong arms around me, protecting me.


	17. #16: Over and over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........exhauasted and definently having a breakdown.....

In this universe, you’re in a coma. Your serum is healing you from Hydra’s weapon, but you’re not waking up. It’s been days, and I’m trying to not lose hope as you lie there with machines beeping, keeping your body functioning.

 

-

 

Sometimes your super soldier metabolism was a curse- keeping your blood sugar high enough, especially during battle, was catch 21. Sometimes it was a blessing- poison broke up quickly in your bloodstream so it had never been a conceivable issue.

 

Until I watched a horde of Hydra soldiers swarm you, holding you down under a net until you stopped fighting.

 

Your suit was tough and durable but had to compromise some of that for the flexibility you required.

 

Hundreds of tiny needles administered large doses of poison before waiting long enough for it to start breaking up, to administer another large dose.

 

I- and everyone else- saw red as we fought to get to you.

 

Your swears turned to loud gasps of pain to sporadic breathing to silence.

 

A brief notice flashed across my HUD before Jarvis contacted SHIELD with an update of your condition, requesting medical units be deployed and prepared to receive a poisoned Captain America.

 

You were limp, had been limp, by the time the Hulk reached you, tearing off the netting. He cradled you like a baby as he turned to look at us- and god you looked tiny when he held you.

 

SHIELD medical and clean up arriving, convincing the Hulk to set you down because you needed medical attention, the shouts on the transport as it rushed back to the helicarrier- became a blur as I stared at you, your chest not moving, the color having left your face long ago.

 

I stood and stared at the doors where they had forced us to separate for hours, not processing anything but the chaos around you. My knees gave out when an hour came and went, but I locked the legs of the armor so I would still see you through the scratched-up windows.

 

It was five hours and thirty-seven minutes before they finished surgery and moved you to a room full of machines to keep you alive. Five hours and forty minutes before I slowly got out of my armor, hanging onto the wall, trying to get in. Five hours and fifty-five minutes before they let me in and I held your hand, collapsing onto the bed to curl up near your feet in a space too small for me. Six hours before I passed out, holding your hand.

 

I was out for eight hours.

 

-

 

I woke up to someone carrying me, walking quickly somewhere. When I blinked my eyes open in a daze, Thor came into view. Sluggishly turning my head brought Natasha and Bruce into view.

 

“Shit. Thor, he’s awake.”

 

Natasha pulled Thor to walk faster.

 

My memories and consciousness caught up, and I started fighting, Thor tightening his grip on me.

  


“I’M NOT LEAVING-”

  


“Tony, deep-” I socked Bruce in the eye, crawling over Thor when he loosened his grip in surprise. He caught my legs just as I was about to fall down over his back, Natasha coming around with her arms crossed.

  
  


“Do you realize WHAT YOU JUST DID?” She grabbed my shoulders, digging her fingers in.

 

“I need to-”

 

“Tony, there’s nothing you can do.” She shook me, hard.

 

“I CAN’T LEAVE HIM.” The blood rushing to my head was making me dizzy, and I tried to backpedal to a more comfortable position. Thor set me down, holding me up when I swayed.

 

“SHIELD will update us with any changes to his condition. We need to make sure you take care of yourself.”

 

“I’ll shower, change clothes, but then I’m back.”

 

“You haven’t eaten in-”

 

“I DON’T FUCKING-” I was cut off by Natasha covering my mouth, and she looked up at Thor, nodding, and I was over his shoulder again, being carried to what I assumed was the avenjet, when I passed out again.

 

-

 

I wake up on the couch in the communal area in new clothes, the pillow under my head soggy and cold. I sit up quietly to look around.

  


“Sir, you shouldn’t be up, you’ve passed out twice recently due to-”

 

“Steve was poisoned, open the lift, I have to-”

  


My knees buckle and I sit down heavily, nails scratching against the doors.

  


“Please- please-”

  


I’m pulled into an awkward hug and I move to see who it is.

 

Clint looks exhausted.

  


“Clint?”

 

“Don’t expect another hug from me, I took the long shift and sat up with you all night.”

 

I sag into him, and he grumbles.

 

“Let me help you back to the couch. On three-”

 

He hauls me up only for me to fall down, throwing up a bit only to heave, my stomach empty.

  


“Jesus, Tony. Now you’ll have to wait an hour to eat.”

 

“Can’t.”

 

He grabs my arm just as I go to wipe my mouth, taking the towel off his shoulder and handing it to me.

  


“Is Steve- is-”

 

“No changes to his condition.”

 

“How long ago did the three kidnap me?”

 

Clint chews his lip, not making eye contact.

 

“I could throw up on you.”

 

“Empty threat. There’s nothing left in your stomach by now.”

 

“Clint, how long ago?”

 

“Jarvis?”

  


“You were brought back to the tower ten hours ago, sir.”

  


“I was out for ten hours?”

 

“You hadn’t slept for four days before that battle and then, Steve-” he cut off, dragging his hand down his face.

 

“I need to go up and be with him.”

 

“I know, but you’re under house arrest until you get a clean bill of health- and you can’t do any work.”

 

“I have to improve his-”

 

“Ah.” He covers my mouth before hauling me back up.

 

“You are going to lay on the couch and watch garbage tv until your brain comes out your nose.”

 

“But-”

 

“If your cheeks aren’t rosy and your eyes bright by the time he wakes up, we will all suffer a horrible death.”

 

“If.” I correct, mumbling.

  


“Jarvis, please say Natasha is up now.”

 

“She is and is on her way.”

  


“Tony, there’s no if. He has the goddamn serum.”

 

I nod sluggishly.

 

-

 

It’s been forty-nine hours since they dragged me to the avenjet, and I’m back at the door to your room. If anything, you’re even paler. They have you connected to three IVs- I hold back a hysteric laugh- to try to compensate for the metabolism that didn’t save you.

 

They’ve cut you out of your uniform, and it lays folded and shredded in a small bin on a table crammed into the tiny room.

 

I sit down by your feet, grabbing your hand as I pull up projected screens from the tablet I brought. I have to improve your armor for if- _when_ \- you wake up so this never happens again.

 

-

 

It’s a hundred and fifty hours before they take you off some of the machines, your body starting to put itself back together.

 

Your face is gaining color again.

 

I’ve redesigned everyone’s uniform, receiving a good-natured complaint from Natasha when she passes by the room to check on me.

 

-

 

It’s been two hundred and twenty-five hours. You’re still not awake, laying in the bed like an empty shell.

 

I’ve redesigned my suit to hold medical supplies for disasters like the one that got you. I’ve had to amp up the repulsors because the suit is now bulkier and will be harder to fly, but I’ll adapt.

 

I’ve just released your hand to zoom in on the new arc reactor when it twitches. The pad ends up dropping on the floor as I shoot forward, unable to breathe.

 

It’s two hundred and twenty-five hours, and you squint your eyes open, stirring in the bed as you process.

 

“Hgnnn?”

 

I can only shake my head, covering my mouth as my eyes fill up.

 

“T-y?"

 

“I love  you, I love you, god, I almost thought I’d- I love- I love you-”

  


I kiss you softly, knowing doctors will rush in at any moment to check on you now that you’re awake, but right now, it’s just you, warm and awake, those blue eyes winkling at the edges as you sigh, weakly returning the kiss.

 

“I love you.”

 

You nod.

 

_I love you too._


	18. #17: When the broken glass litters the floor

In this universe, the tower has been attacked and glass is shattered and pieces of the ceiling litter the floor.

 

-

 

In hindsight, we may as well have painted the tower red with a sign saying _destroy us_. It made sense, in a way- wipe out the Avengers and it’ll be easier to do shit, at least until another band of superheroes got together.

 

My hands are bloody from scrambling over concrete, sifting through the glass, lifting up chunks of the ceiling to try to find you.

 

When the tower was attacked- they, whoever  _they_ was, must have also used an EMP, because Jarvis shut off immediately, as soon as the first whatever hit the tower. Or maybe they had located his operating center and destroyed that.

 

 

However much the others joke that you and I are attached at the hip, I don’t know where you were- _are_ \- and I’m slowly searching every floor of the tower, the ones that still exist, some floors becoming a collapsed ceiling for the room below.

 

On a few floors, I’ve had to jump over large holes, barely catching the other side, hauling myself up to search what remains on that side, only to turn up empty of anyone.

 

 

Thank god the tower was mostly empty. Natasha and Clint are out on a SHIELD mission, Thor in Asgard.

 

I haven’t heard the Hulk, which worries me that Bruce was crushed to a point where his subconscious wouldn't override him and change. And you- _where are you_?

 

 

At each level, the taste of vomit builds up in the back of my throat as my voice goes hoarse, eventually dying as I try to call out to you. If I didn’t have the serum, I would have dropped ten floors ago; as it is, I still feel myself running down, my muscles protesting from overuse.

 

I drop to my knees an hour into searching, my head swimming and buzzing, my body begging me to stop. I think I do throw up a bit as I force myself back up to my feet.

 

 

My blood will be all over the tower when we assess the full extent of the damage. In my exhaustion, I had climbed a large concrete slab blocking the stairway only to slide down, dragging my arms against it.

 

I haven’t lost enough blood- or have I- to start worrying, but I’m feeling more and more dizzy. I find a stash of candy in Clint’s room, inhaling it before continuing the search, knowing it won’t fuel me for long.

 

My knees give out when my body burns through the candy, the muscles in my thighs and back shaking before I’m flat on the floor. Standing up is getting worse, progressively, after every time I drop.

 

 

In my daze, now, I don’t know how much time has passed when I hear your voice.

 

At first, my brain doesn’t process it, but my eyes fly open when it clicks. You’re calling for help, your voice weak and hoarse- you’ve been calling for a long time.

 

 

My knees try to give out yet again, my stomach turning, when I finally find you. Of all things, a mug is shattered by you, the coffee mixing with the small-but expanding- pool of blood coming from your head. I can’t see the wound from where I stand, your stare at me losing clarity.

 

“Help, St’be- I-” you fade off, and I stumble across the room to you, looking bleary-eyed at the large chunk crushing you. You’ve probably got internal injuries and bleeding besides your head.

 

 

I’m not sure where the energy comes from, but I haul myself to my feet once more, straining as I lift the chunk. You’re too injured, lost too much blood to move, and I roll you to safety with my right leg, dropping the concrete slab as soon as you’re clear.

 

 

I can’t sit down yet. I roll you around with my leg so you’re laying on your side, so you don't choke on blood or vomit, and we stare at each other again.

 

“Stay. First aid.”

 

You nod, sluggishly, coughing. “Love you.”

 

“Know.”

 

I think you snort slightly as I push myself to find a first aid kit to help you.

 

 

We’ll get through this, I just have to push myself a bit more.

  


 

SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers find us an hour later. Your head is poorly bandaged, I would learn later, but you’ll survive, despite the massive internal injuries I had thought you would have. I couldn’t move for days because I’d burnt through almost all the energy my body could make and had bled out even worse than I had noticed.

 

Natasha would tell us, later, that they found us laying next to each other, heads turned toward the other as if we’d kissed- if we did, I can’t remember- our hands wrapped together before we blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce is fine, he went out to get donuts or groceries or something he didn't want just delivered.


	19. #18: From very far away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyes in the sky is actually an idea from my "With These Marks" story...
> 
> STEVE WAS 6 WHEN HOUDINI DIED (yes, from a series of punches to the stomach)....... woah

In this universe, Jarvis zooms my HUD and I see you take a punch from an Atlantean soldier straight to the gut.

 

-

 

It would have been nice to learn Atlantis was real some other way, in a SHIELD report, maybe, or even a casual mention from someone that thought we knew- although we didn’t.

 

Luckily, this Atuma- he started monologuing pretty quickly, annoying but useful- was in love with the sound of his voice. After five minutes though, I felt like taking my helmet off and screaming at him to shut up. Grumbling through the comms told me I was not alone.

 

I had wanted to put eyes in the back of my helmet to gain a 360-degree view, but it would have compromised the integrity. Instead, I built the eyes in the sky- tiny drones- so I could keep an eye on the entire battlefield. Jarvis processes all the imagery captured, running a constant stream of important footage on the side of my HUD.

 

 

Clint’s just joked the Atlanteans are slippery when Jarvis expands one of the rectangles of footage, and you’re punched straight in the gut. It’s delayed by a couple of seconds, so you’re already on your knees when I turn around, hunched over as you hold your stomach spitting something-

 

 

“The Captain did not spit blood, your heart rate is dangerously high-”

 

“Steve, oh my god-”

 

 

Natasha dispatches the soldier that punched you before getting swept away, and you don’t move.

 

 

“Honey, are you okay?”

 

You look up at me, focusing on me across the battlefield. You nod, sucking in a deep breath, trying to hold back a cough before it forces itself out and your body shakes with it.

 

“Do you have internal bleeding? That’s how Houdini died-”

 

“I’m fine.” You hang your head back down.

 

“-yeah, people thought that before Houdini was-”

 

“I’ll be fine just- just got to sit down for a bit.”

 

 

“Just saying, no flirting over the comms please, or have Jarvis put you two on a private channel-”

 

 

I ignore Clint, rushing towards you, repeatedly impeded by Atlanteans.

 

 

“I love you.”

 

There’s a long pause.

 

“Sir, he’ll be alright, you need to-”

  


 

“What?”

 

“I love you,” I repeat, finally blasting towards you.

 

“I- what?”

 

 

“Steve, he’s saying he loves you, get that through your thick cowl so I don’t have to hear it-”

 

 

I turn the comms off, cutting of Clint, when I reach you, kneeling down to hold you, my faceplate going up.

 

“I love you, Steve.”

 

You look up, meeting my eyes before you smile, tiredly at first before it spread across your entire face.

  


“I love you too, Tony.”

 

I lean down to kiss you, your face awkwardly hitting the frame around my faceplate, but you ignore it as you reach to hold the back of my helmet.

 

 

We’re interrupted by a loud banging on said helmet, and I look up to see Natasha, who just gestures at the battle behind her, crossing her arms.


	20. #19: With no space left between us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't like this but here

In this universe, we’re crammed in the open space behind a wall, holding our breath. You’re out of your armor, it having been disabled, slumping against me as your arc reactor fritzes. Your head is buried in my chest as you breathe in shocks and gasps, trying to muffle the sound.

 

-

 

You usually complain when our missions involve technology, especially when it’s robots. I haven’t heard a single one since we arrived at this base emitting worrying energy readings.

 

They also become single-minded when they see you, whether because you look like one in your armor or they assess you as the biggest threat. It usually works to our advantage. We’ve developed a plan that uses you as bait, the rest of us-either as low-tech or low-threat- are able to disable them.

 

These ones, however, quickly separated us into pockets, hacked the comms, and then disabled your suit. I put you behind me, ready to fight, when I hear a horrifying spluttering, and turn to see your hands creakily moving to your arc reactor.

 

 

It’s flickering.

 

 

One robot catches me, hard, against the head, and I stagger back a few steps. You move one of your hands from holding your arc reactor, the repulsor not powering up. You shake your arm, hitting it against the wall behind you, raising it again for a short blast. The fingers of the hand still holding the arc reactor curl inwards.

 

 

If you weren’t wearing that armor, you’d have collapsed by now.

 

 

Predictably, they start paying more attention to you as you power up the repulsor to fire again. Using this pause in watching me, I’m able to destroy them, picking your armor up, your silence continuing.

 

_Stay with me, stay with me, stay with-_

 

I can feel myself getting frantic and I try to take deep breaths as I search for a hiding spot.

 

A Hulk-sized hole and the remains of robots litter this hallway. Hoping they will pass through the carnage as a place already fought, I pull you into the wall, squeezing into the tight spot.

 

 

“Manual override.”

 

“What?”

 

“Get me out of this.”

 

“Tony-”

 

“I can’t fight in it now, and this might come-”

 

 

“Please.”

 

I nod, forcing your armor open. Now that you’re less bulky, I pull you further away from the hole. A few steps are all you manage before collapsing.

 

“Arms around my neck.”

 

“Mmmhhm.”

 

“Stay with me, alright?”

 

“Okay.”

 

 

What feels like hours passes. Your hands had been gripping my uniform, but slowly loosened as time passed. We fell into a rhythm, also at first, one breathing in while the other exhaled, we are squeezed so tight, but it disintegrates also. Your face is pressed into my chest as you breathe sporadically in shocks and gasps, trying to muffle the sound.

 

All we can hear is silence and buzzing in the comms.

 

“Leave, fight.”

 

Speaking is getting harder for you, and I press a kiss to the top of your head, shaking mine.

 

“They need you.”

 

“Your arc reactor-”

 

 

We go silent when there’s a distant clang of metal on metal, almost like a sword fight.

 

 

“-’nother hour, dies. Spare on jet.”

 

“I don’t want you to be alone.”

 

“Go.”

 

“You’re not going to-” I choke on the word.

 

“If-”

 

“Don’t talk like that.”

 

“Steve- if-”

 

You fade off and I shake you.

 

“Love you.”

 

“I love-”

 

 

Louder clangs, still distant but closer, and you jump weakly.

 

 

“Go. Over, better.”

 

 

 

The static in the comms changes suddenly.

 

Clint’s voice is crackling and almost unintelligible when it comes through. “Hey, sound off.”

 

I close my eyes, leaning my head back. “Clint, I love you so fucking much right now.”

 

 

“Hey.” Your voice is a croak, barely a whisper as you shove me weakly.

 

 

Clint's voice becomes clearer. “Is he okay?”

 

“His arc reactor is dying.”

 

“Shit. Anyone else here?”

 

 

“Clint fix’d the comms?” _God,_ if Clint knew how much effort that took. 

 

“I am smarter than you give me credit for, Tony.”

 

“Not much then.”

 

 

Natasha came through-“If he’s able to sass, there’s still hope. You can come out Steve, it should be clear.”

 

I had started moving, picking up you and carrying you on my hip, shield on the arm behind your back, but stopped right before we were visible. “Should be?”

 

“I’m tracking down your comm-”

 

 

Clint interrupted her. “For the record, I did that too.”

 

 

“-I’m almost to you, come on out. We’re just not sure if we got all the robots.”

 

“I can’t fight, I’m carrying-”

 

 

“Help.”

 

 

“Tony?” Natasha’s found us, taking you from me, and you don’t protest, just faintly grabbing at me as you move away. “Hey, speak to me, it’s a long way back to the Avenjet.”

 

When you don’t respond, she screams loudly, making you shoot up and glare at her before your head goes back to her shoulder. She just smiles in response, patting your cheek.

 

 

“Fuck you 'tasha.” It’s muffled in her shoulder but some of the tension building up in me relaxes.

 

 

“I’m exhausted and don’t need drama. Steve, cover my back? I got well over a hundred robots and can't fight anymore.”

 

I nod, sighing as I grab your armor, following her. You stretch your arm out for me to take, and I kiss your hand.

 

 

“I love-”

 

 

“Don’t need mush either, everyone knows you two are stupidly in love.”


	21. #20: Huddled together, storm raging outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Always" by Irving Berlin came out in 1926. It took a while to track down a good song, and one that Steve would know from before the ice.

In this universe, a storm rages around us in the tower as we huddle together, you whining in the back of your throat everytime you fall asleep only to be woken up by thunder.

 

-

 

No one in the tower likes storms. Rain depends on the day and our moods, but thunder leaves us all pacing antsy. Even Thor gets nervous when he’s not the one causing it, so storms usually mean game or movies. You’ve installed backups for the backups for our power, so the tower never goes dark.

  


We had been exhausted as we flew back from Atuma’s latest play for power, in the Bermuda Circle, but still had enough energy to talk (complain) about the mission, but fell silent when rain started plopping around us in the Avenjet.

 

 

“Was it supposed to rain today?” Natasha gets up to look out the front window, arms crossed.

 

“There was a 70% chance that dipped to 50% when you left,” Jarvis answers promptly as everyone shrugs instead of answering.

 

We all turn to look at Thor in silence. He slouches down in his seat.

 

 

Clint walks over to give him one of his awkward hugs, and Thor leans into it slightly. “Did Loki fake his death again?”

 

“Hopefully.”

 

“You choose the movie-”

 

“Clint, we’re all fucking exhausted and need sleep. No movie because we’ll just fall asleep on the couch.”

 

He sticks his tongue out at Natasha.

  
  


You had installed thick, soundproof windows on the tower, but thunder still got in. We never completely darkened the windows so we could know when it was coming from the lightning, and it threw every room seemingly into a horror or suspense movie.

 

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, probably twitching at some thunder before I was out. You must have waited for me to fall asleep because I woke at a particularly loud boom to find you sitting up with graph paper, drawing by the light of the arc reactor.

 

“Baby?” I’m still tired, but it feels softer, not like the stabbing of exhaustion after a battle.

 

You look down, smiling before leaning over to kiss me. “Hey.”

 

“Have you slept at all?”

 

Your eyes go back to the graph paper, and I prop myself up a bit to see its a suit.

 

“You need to-”

 

 

A loud blast of thunder erupted, rolling around the tower, shaking it.

 

 

“I can’t.”

 

“At least try. Come here.” I tug on your arm, and you eventually relent, putting the pad of paper and the pencil on the nightstand.

 

“It’s lasting longer than it should. Jarvis contacted SHIELD and told him the storm was possibly unnatural but was being handled.”

 

“Mmm.”

 

 

There’s a bright flash of lightning, and it illuminates our bedroom before darkness drops again. The hand I have draped over your back feels the muscles tense until the thunder comes and goes.

 

 

“Can’t sleep with that.”

 

Your eyes drift shut anyways- you’re exhausted from pushing your suit for hours through the water. Another flash paints dramatic shadows and you dig your face into the pillow, your back tensing again.

 

When the thunder cracks, you whine, soft, in the back of your throat. I clear my throat and you open an eye to look at me. I didn’t realize the serum improved my voice until the tour but stopped when it stopped. I was dancing with you to some music at some function when I started unconsciously singing under my breath, pressing kisses to your forehead. _You can sing?_ I had blushed profusely, stopping. Months later, you had nightmares, muttering as you drifted between in and out of sleep. Without quite knowing what I was doing, I had started rubbing your back, rocking you as I sang. You had stopped tossing, falling into a more peaceful sleep.

 

 

_“-I'll be loving you always, with a love that's true always-”_

 

“Steve, I love your voice and that cheesy song, but it won’t work tonight.”

 

_“-when the things you've planned, need a helping hand, I will understand always-”_

 

 

Another bright flash almost immediately followed by thunder. You whine again.

 

 

_“-days may not be fair always, that's when I'll be there always-_

 

You yawn, your eyes bleary as you look at me, and I move my hand to stroke your face gently.

 

_“-not for just an hour, not for just a day, not for just a year, but always-”_

 

 

“Steve?”

 

I stop singing, kissing you before pulling back. You yawn again, your eyes staying shut longer before they’re open.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too. Sleep.”

 

“Can’t,” you insist again, even as your eyes stayed closed this time, your body relaxing.

 

_“-I'll be loving you, oh always- with a love that's true always- when the things you've planned - need a helping hand-”_

 

You smile, small and warm, before finally falling asleep.


	22. #21: Over your shoulder

In this universe, we’ve been married for a year.

 

-

 

Last year, we drove the others insane trying to decide whether we wanted to hyphenate our last names, and in which order, or simply take one or the other.

 

“Anthony Stark-Rogers and Steven Stark-Rogers.” You mush your face. Okay, not your name first.

 

 

“Steven Stark,” Clint jokes from across the kitchen. “Steven Stark- Steven Stark-”

 

Not just your name, that does sound weird.

 

 

“Anthony Rogers?” You tilt your head, mouthing it.

 

“Maybe.”

 

We both look at Clint, Bruce coming in before seeing the two of us and walking out.

 

“Bruce, they’re taking input and this decides what we’ll have to hear for the rest of our lives-”

 

 

 _Rest of our lives_. I swallow, tears building up in my eyes.

 

 

“-he’s crying again.”

 

“What did you do now?” Bruce pokes his head around the corner before coming in.

 

“Nothing, I swear-”

 

 

“Hey, Honey, what’s wrong?” You cup my face, wiping away the tears now falling freely for the second time today. And it’s only noon.

 

“Rest of our lives, Tony. Rest of-” I collapse forward into you.

 

There’s a pause before you repeat it softly, reverently. “Rest of our lives.”

 

“Rest of our lives.”

 

We repeat that back and forth until we’re both a blubbering mess and can’t speak anymore, hanging onto each other.

 

 

“For fuck’s sake.” Natasha comes in, speaking loudly. “Clint, what now?”

 

“I think it just sunk in that marriage is usually permanent.”

 

“We have to put up with this for another month?”

 

“What makes you think they’ll ever stop?”

 

“Touche.”

 

 

“You’re blocking the fridge.” Bruce prods me in the ribs, and I stand up, wiping my face as we move.

 

 

Natasha looks at us tiredly before looking at Clint. “Please tell me they’ve decided on the last name.”

 

“Steven Stark.” Clint jokes again, voice falsetto.

 

 

She looks back at us.

 

 

You hold your hands up defensively. “He’s just joking.”

 

“Well, have you decided?”

 

 

“Maybe my last name.”

 

“Tony Rogers.” She says slowly. “Not sure on that.”

 

 

“Anthony Rogers-Stark and Steven Roger-Stark.” You suggest.

 

 

Natasha and Clint immediately share a slightly disgusted look, swinging their heads our way at the same time.

 

“Honestly, I hate hyphenating, it’s such a mouthful,” Clint complains.

 

Natasha bites both of her lips, one hand up and pointing at us. “Please just do Rogers.”

 

 

“Rogers-Stark?” I ignore her, looking at you, and you nod.

 

“Rogers-Stark.”

 

 

She didn’t speak to us the rest of the day, Clint occasionally repeating “Steven Stark” and getting a kick out of it.

 

 

Planning the wedding was another disaster of decision making, but somehow it worked.

 

And now it’s our first anniversary.

 

 

 _Rest of our lives_  rings in my head again as I watch the pancakes.

 

 

“Pancakes and coffee? You spoil me.”

 

I jump a little when you hug me from behind. “Go back to bed.”

 

You don’t reply, sliding your hands down from my hips.

 

I just hit you lightly with the spatula, getting some batter in your hair. “I’m cooking.”

 

“You burn everything anyway.”

 

“We’re in the kitchen.”

 

You kiss my neck, twisting my head to sloppily make out, sliding your tongue into my mouth.

 

I hit you lightly with the spatula again, more batter getting in your hair. “I’m making you food- it was supposed to be breakfast in bed.”

 

“I had breakfast in bed but he left.”

 

“Very funny.”

 

 

You prop your head on my shoulder and I give you a look out of the corner of my eyes.

 

 

“I love you, husband.”

 

No matter how many times I hear that, and god- you love to say it- I blush profusely. I sniff as I compose myself, or try to.

 

“I love you too, Tony. Now go back to bed.”

 

“Not until you do.”

 

“You haven’t eaten in a day. Five minutes and I’ll be up.”

 

“I am going to hold you to that.”

 

“Alright, Rogers-Stark.”

 

You smile wide.

 

“And you should get that pancake batter out of your hair.”


	23. #22: Muffled, through the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intense, but not explicit injury. Took forever (about 7 hours with some breaks) to write this...

In this universe, you've been kidnapped.

 

-

 

They didn’t make demands.

 

A CD would be taped in an envelope to the front door of a newspaper’s building, in a random civilian's mail, in our mail, in a bag left on the subway- there was no pattern to it, no fingerprints, nothing traceable.

 

Sometimes we would get the footage in the morning, sometimes late in the afternoon.

 

 

At first, we didn’t know you’d been kidnapped- you had left for a business trip to Germany but had, we learned later, never arrived at the airport.

 

 

I never checked our mail before my morning run, and I had made it longer than usual because we hadn’t had a mission in months, which always made me antsy. Clint was second up that morning, while I was still out. Mostly our mail was from fans all over the world, some endearing and some creepy, and sorting through it all was routine after breakfast.

 

Clint said later he had ‘a bad feeling that something was off’ and went through it before anyone was up or he even ate.

 

Natasha walked into the kitchen to find him puking into the sink, and when asked what was wrong, Clint pointed to the laptop on the table as he tried to suck in deep breaths.

 

 

I walked into chaos.

 

Natasha was arguing with Fury- _SHIELD is fucking inept, how have you guys accomplished anything-_ and Clint- _Bruce is our best chance to assess the injuries, he says he won’t Hulk out-_ in two separate conversations as Clint hugged a laptop to his chest and Bruce sat at the table with his hands over his ears, Thor trying to calm him down.

 

Clint was the first to see me and he freaked out, Natasha cutting off mid-sentence to turn to look at me. In the silence, Bruce popped his head up as Thor avoided my eyes.

 

It took her ten minutes to coax the laptop out of Clint’s arms before she set it down, and made me sit, Bruce and Thor coming to stand behind me.

 

 

Fury was calling us all insane for letting Bruce watch whatever this was when she leaned over and pulled up a file from the desktop.

 

I don’t even remember the first time I watched the video.

 

 

 

“Steve?” Natasha’s in the chair next to me, her hand on my arm.

 

Numb, I shake my head.

 

Am I breathing? I’m not sure.

 

When I don’t react, she slaps me across the face super hard.

 

I hyperventilate.

 

Fury’s saying something, but no one replies, everyone watching me.

 

I stand up, look down, sit down, and play the video again.

 

I retain a bit this time, enough for me to get angry, and I stand up again, now slamming my hands hard on the table. I’m still speechless.

 

SHIELD was sent the video now almost an hour ago, and it’s being analyzed to try to find a source or any information at all. Someone’s going to be down soon for the envelope to take it to the helicarrier for tests.

 

I gag. My back and neck roll twice, but nothing comes.

 

Bruce’s moved the laptop to watch it again, and he’s muted it. His face is white as he stares intensely at the screen, pausing and unpausing the video.

 

He takes a shaky breath, takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes.

 

_Bruce?_

 

_We just- just need to find him. They’ll escalate._

 

_Where are the demands? If they wanted info, they wouldn’t taunt us._

 

_Worse than the Ten Rings, from what he’s divulged of that._

 

 

I’m put under watch, someone has to be with me at all times.

 

Clint calls me a banshee, his voice flat, because I can’t sit down and explode into emotions- mostly sobbing.

 

I don’t eat for the rest of the day. My sleep is restless and only an hour from exhaustion.

 

 

Natasha literally shoves food in my mouth the next day as we all sit in the communal area, wondering if we’ll get a video.

 

We do.

 

_Oh my god-_

 

_Psychological recovery alone-_

 

I throw up.

 

_I have to-_

 

Thor picks me up, muscles straining as I try to leave.

 

Natasha makes me sip some Gatorade and eat oyster crackers which I hold down until the next day.

 

 

The videos are leaked and the public goes crazy.

 

 

The others start watching the videos muted, Jarvis providing captions, but your screams are burned into my mind.

 

Natasha scours through all the daily reports from SHIELD for anything.

 

_Lots of criminal activity on the scale of needing superheroes, but none of the supervillains are connected._

 

I start rewatching the videos obsessively, and she bans me from electronics.

 

At one point I’m forced to shower.

 

_You fucking stink._

 

 

Because of all the shit we go through on our missions- that you’ve gone through in the past year alone- you don’t pass out from the pain until the fourth day- fourth video?

 

You wake up, faint, get woken up. Your arc reactor’s still working, but the glass is shattered.

 

I scream, I break things. I go through periods of calm.

 

_Why can no one find him?_

 

_When he gets back, I’m going to fucking chip him._

 

 

Still no demands.

 

 

SHIELD sends us to possible locations, but they all turn up empty.

 

Clint relents and tells me what I might need to know in case the next location is the one.

 

I start methodically destroying one of the locations.

 

 _Let him wear himself down, maybe he’ll sleep_.

 

Natasha leads me to the Avenjet, stumbling.

 

I sleep. Wake up on the communal area’s couch. I finally hold down food.

 

_I don’t think we’ll get demands at this point-_

 

 

We get a call.

 

_Steve, you’re still not eating enough, much less sleeping enough, sit down._

 

I ignore them as I pace back and forth in the Avenjet.

 

I’m shoved roughly down into a seat. More food shoved at me. I eat a few bites half-heartedly.

 

_At least he ate some._

 

_Stay behind?_

 

_How would we? Also, one man army._

 

We land a mile from the base, walking and sneaking up to it.

 

 

 _Guards_.

 

 

Natasha shoves Thor’s cape into my mouth when I start laughing deliriously.

 

_He’ll end up getting hurt if he can’t get a grip._

 

I’m slapped again. Take shaky deep breaths.

 

They watch me warily while Natasha goes and disable the guards in the front.

 

The comms crackle.

 

_Short. Long. Long. Pause. Short. Long. Pause. Long. Long. Pause. Long._

 

We make various noises of impatience and anger as Natasha taps on the earpiece before there’s crackling again as she puts it back in.

 

_Wait._

 

We wait longer.

 

Bruce tries to talk me through some breathing exercises, and I try to follow along.

 

 

_All right, boys, there’s a million guards in here, I swear._

 

_Tony?_

 

_This place is huge, they don’t have cameras everywhere, but I’m sure he’s here._

 

I nod.

 

_He just nodded._

 

_Here’s what you need to do._

 

She gives instructions, telling Bruce to hang back.

 

_We need the element of surprise on our side, at first._

 

The base is full of guards.

 

 

_Oh no._

 

I see red.

 

_Well, the one man army is here, Bruce might as well come in._

 

She sighs.

 

_Bruce?_

 

We’re answered by a loud _boom_.

 

_Lisus, Steve. I can see you on camera, you know-_

  
  


 

 

I’m panting really, really hard- my muscles are screaming for oxygen as I hang onto the wall near me, my shield dropping, and I catch it before it hits the floor.

 

“Hey, Steve, Buddy, that’s a lot of panting-” Clint’s voice comes through concerned- and loud, they must have cleared the other areas.  

 

“Think- found-”

 

“You found him?”

 

“Nn-hnn.”

 

“Natasha, track him?”

 

 

“This way. Steve, wait for us. And catch your breath or you’ll pass out.”

 

“Hurry.”

  


 

They finally arrive, the Hulk a minute later because he has to walk really slow to be quiet.

 

“Hey, how you holding up?” Natasha stops when she reaches me, putting a hand on my shoulder as she whispers.

 

I close my eyes. “He has to be there. I don’t- don’t know what-”

 

“He will and he’ll be okay, especially when he sees his boyfriend.”

 

I attempt a weak smile and she turns to the Hulk, nodding her head.

 

 

“Tony?”

 

“Maybe, Hulk.”

 

 

That’s all he needed. He rushes past us, roaring at the top of his lungs. Some of the soldiers scream, and there’s rapid gunfire.

 

We turn the corner, and it’s years of punching, throwing the shield, hiding behind the shield, and my blood pounding in my ears.

  


I reach the door at the end of the hallway as they finish the battle.

 

In hindsight, it’s probably not the brightest idea I’ve had, but I start hitting my shield on the lock. Between the vibranium and the metal of the entire door, it makes a racket.

 

It’s not making a dent.

 

I bang on the door in frustration.

  


 

“-pl’s, stop- don’- don’ hurt-”

 

 

 

My heart drops. The world stops. _Tony_.

 

“Tony-”

 

“-don’ hurt-”

 

“It’s Steve.”

 

Silence.

 

 

 

“You-you didn give up-”

 

 _Oh my god_.

  


 

“Tony, never. I love you.”

 

“I- lost a lot bl’d- all over-”

 

“We’re going to get you out of here and help you.”

 

“-mi’ be too late-”

 

“Not while I’m fucking breathing.”

 

 

“Are you two done being dramatic?” Clint shoves me aside, starting to try keys.

 

 

“Clint?”

 

“We’re all here, Tony.”

  


 

_Thought we gave up._

 

He drops the keys as I mouth the words, the others coming up behind us. I repeat it to them.

  


Clint finally finds the key, removing the lock, staring at the door.

 

Thor speaks to the Hulk quietly, trying to get Bruce, as we continue to stand there.

 

 

“Guys?”

 

 

I’m hyperventilating again.

 

“Hey, he’ll be alright.” Clint comes over, pulling me out of the way of the door. He takes a steeling breath.

 

 

The door has squeaky hinges and I have to help him haul it open enough for me to slip in.

  


 

“Steve?” You turn your head towards me.

 

“Oh my god. Oh my god-” I collapse to my knees in front of you, where you’ve curled up in the corner on the floor, afraid to touch you.

 

There are injuries everywhere on you and you’re shivering- the clothes you’re wearing- or had been- are mostly torn off.

 

I ghost my fingers over your cheek before reaching to wrap you in my arms and hold you as tight as I dare-

 

-there’s blood caked in your hair when I press my face into it.

 

 

A hand touches my shoulder before leaning over me and wrapping Thor’s cape around you, and I adjust it as you continue to shiver.

 

 

I can’t do anything but sit there and hold you as I start to cry.

 

“You’re going to be okay now, Tony.”

  


I’m unceremoniously hauled to my feet, steadied as I sway before getting pulled out of the small, bloody room.

 

 

Both of your eyes are too swelled to open, and I feel blood seeping through the cape. You gasp in pain every time we move.

 

“I love you, Tony.”

 

“Mmm.”

 

 

I’m steadied again, almost dropping you as I shake too before two large hands sweep us up.

 

 

“Hulk save idiots.”

 

A very large tear lands on my shoulder.

 

 

All I can do is hold you, ghosting my hand over your cheek.


	24. #23: Through a song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, #20 (Chapter 21) probably applies better here, but having war flashbacks to Johnlock song fics and I did not want to go there so you got fluffy, goofy dorks.
> 
> Also, am going to go through and incorporate a line along the "In this universe..." thing because I still think I might delete the first chapter because I've been changing things when I expand.

In this universe, you've been acting weird for two weeks, and have withdrawn from me. 

 

-

 

At first, I thought you had a health problem. You always withdrew when you didn’t want us to know something was wrong.

 

 

On one mission, you coughed as we were getting on the Avenjet and I was by your side in seconds. You put up your faceplate to give me a weird look.

 

“Steve?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be? That was an easy mission-”

 

“You just-”

 

“I just need to fix the air circulation and filtration systems, I’m fine.”

 

“You’re not hiding something?”

 

 

Something flickered across your face.

 

“Steve, my health is great for once minus the fact I’m starving. Can you stop worrying?”

 

“You’re sure?”

 

 

“Jarvis, is there anything wrong?” You look up at the sky, sighing.

 

“There is truly nothing wrong with his health, Captain.”

 

 

I relent, letting you get on the Avenjet, following you.

  


 

Was something wrong with SI? Pepper just told me to make you sign a bunch of routine paperwork you’d been avoiding.

 

 

 

The team?

 

I corner all of them in the communal area introducing Thor to Disney movies while you’re in your workshop. Again.

 

“Clint’s being a jerk.” Natasha crosses her arms, face unreadable and blank when she stands up.

 

“It’s not my fault he’s acting weird.” He doesn’t look at me- he’s never been good hiding his emotions around us.

 

 

“Clint-” I wheedle, and Natasha shakes her head at him.

 

 

“Thor? Bruce?”

 

She shakes her head at them.

  


 

“Would someone please tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong, he’s just-” she stopped. “Tony’s just an idiot right now.”

 

 

“Right now?”

 

Everyone, including me, shoots Clint a look.

  


“Is there anything I can do?”

 

“Give him some room and time, he’ll-”

 

“- Oh god. What did I do?”

 

Natasha’s stance softens. “You didn’t do anything.”

 

“Are you-”

 

“He loves you, Steve.”

 

“Then why won’t he tell me what’s wrong?”

 

She stares at me before rolling her eyes and looking at the ceiling. “Jarvis, save me.”  


 

“If I may, Captain, I would advise you to drag Sir out of his workshop, he needs sleep.”

 

 

“Yeah, go take care of your _boyfriend_ -”

 

Natasha hits Clint on the head with a pillow.

 

“- And let us get back to binging Disney movies with someone who met the Grimms.”

 

 

“They would be crying right now. So would Loki.”

 

 

“-Okay, Steve, stop worrying-” Natasha tries, speaking softly, “-and go take care of him. He’ll come around someday.”

 

“From what?”

 

“Workshop. Before I drag you down there.”

 

“Okay.” I take a steeling breath- Clint snickers under his breath and gets hit with a pillow again- and walk to the lift, crossing my arms.

  


 

All I’ve been doing for the past two weeks since you got like this is run scenarios and remember everything that’s happened the past month. I run all of them again as the lift goes down, my concentration broken by the incredibly loud rock music coming through the glass.

 

“Jarvis, how is he not deaf?”

 

“I do not know, Captain. Turning it down- Dum-E will get the door.”

 

 

The music drops incrementally in volume, and I walk to the door when it’s quiet enough for me.

 

“I will advise you that perhaps you should not announce your arrival.”

 

I don’t have a chance to reply because the door opens, Dum-E rolling out to greet me excitedly. He grabs a clawful of my shirt and pulls me in.

 

 

 

Beneath the loud music which is still slowly dropping so you don’t notice, the loud whir of machinery, I hear you singing-

 

-the rock music has dropped enough I can make out what you’re saying as I hang back.

 

_“-Together can never be close enough...feel like I am close enough to you-”_

 

I know this song-

 

_“-you wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you...”_

 

 

 

Everything stops. My knees feel a little weak as my lungs empty. I swallow, my throat suddenly dry as I look at the ground.

 

“Yes,” I whisper, and I take a shaky breath, trying to speak louder. “Yes, Tony.”

 

You freeze for a moment before slowly turning around, backpedaling off the bench when you see me, dropping your tools as your face goes white.

 

 

“What?”

 

I can’t fight the smile spreading across my face.

 

“Yes, Tony. I will marry you.”

 

“I- I- you- yes-but-” you sputter, standing up as I walk to you.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, baby.”

 

You shake your head, your eyes still wide. “I- I- had a- plan, I lost the ring-”

 

 

Something pokes into my side and I look down to see Dum-E sitting by us with a ring box in his claw. I feel weak all over again as you fall forward into me, the box making it all the more real.

 

 

“I had a plan. A romantic, thought-out plan, I just- kept chickening out-”

 

I pull your face up, kissing you. “Tony, there was no reason to be nervous. I love you.”

 

“You say that, but-”

 

“No but. I love you. Wholeheartedly, unabashedly. I love you, Tony, to the ends of the earth-”

 

“Okay, if you keep going I will swoon.” You sniffle, your eyes shiny with tears.

 

I kiss you again.

 

 

Dum-E beeps super loud and we both glance down at him.

 

 

“I can’t believe I’m about to- in my _workshop_ -”

 

Neither of us move.

 

“Tony, you look like you’re going to-”

 

“Pass out? Yeah, possibly.” You shut your eyes, taking a deep breath. Another one. And another one, opening your eyes and glancing down at Dum-E, reaching a shaky hand out for the box.

 

 

You get down on one knee, wobbly- and fall over.

 

 

“Tony?” I sit down-maybe collapse- next to you.

 

“Leave me to die of shame. I just fell over trying to propose to the love of my life. I can’t keep it together.” You roll over, face down.

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

You turn your head to look at me. “Hey, that was my line.”

 

 

I laugh nervously, you sitting up and joining in a few moments later, and we hold each other as we laugh until you have stitches in your side.

 

 

You clear your throat. “Uh, my hands are actually covered in grease and oil and it’ll take forever to get it all off and I don’t want to get grease and oil all over the ring and-”

 

I pull you to me, kissing you again. You drop your head onto my shoulder, trying to wipe your hands off on your jeans as I open the box somehow, somehow getting the ring on.

 

 

Your smile lights up your whole face when you see it on my finger, and you hide your face in my neck as Jarvis starts playing the song.


	25. #24: Without really meaning it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have been incredibly nauseous for the last four days...... how am I supposed to function like this, my mom only believed one day and now I'm dramatic

In this universe, we’ve been living in the tower for over two months. It’s taken that long for you to relax around us, starting to use our first names, to joke with us. In truth, you show me that there’s more to this side of the timeline than the constant battles, that I can have a life, that I can be Steve Rogers instead of just Captain America.

  
  


It doesn’t take long for me to consider you a friend, that long for me to realize I might like you, that long to realize I am head over heels.

 

-

 

Or that long for everyone- except you, thank god- to realize it. Clint is the worse because he is dead set on embarrassing me in front of you at every given opportunity. I always shower quickly but was not prepared to be blue for two days when he put Kool-Aid in the showerhead. I can’t fall asleep in any of the communal areas without him tickling my nose and a hand full of whipping cream.  He dyed the Captain America uniform pink once- Jarvis was sure it was an accident- 

 

You compile lists of pop culture through the seventy years I missed and insist on watching every movie and show with me so you can ‘answer questions’ that I might have. 

 

One time, your face was lit up, I had never seen you this excited- as you rambled about this show called Star Trek, you’ve just glanced at me with a wide smile and I almost told you then. Your face dimmed, and you paused the show, to ask me if I was okay or if you had done something wrong. I assured you that I was okay and that you were fine, and we returned to the show. 

 

Natasha was the undeclared secret keeper of the tower, what we didn’t end up asking for advice about, she figured out exactly what was going on. As such, it was typical to be cornered to talk about something wherever you happened to be. 

  
  


I had been trapped in the kitchen for ten minutes already when you stumbled in, a huge grin on your face, and Natasha disappeared even as I hissed at her to stay. Especially because she had just been talking about you, and I was now fighting a huge blush.

 

You’re still staring vaguely into nothingness when I finally turn to you. 

  
  


“Okay, what are you smiling about?” 

  
  


Your eyes focus on me after a few blinks, and your smile gets bigger.  _ Oh shit _ .

  
  


“I finally solved that problem I’ve been working on for-for uh-” you stop. 

 

“The last five days, Sir.” 

 

“-The last five days, apparently.”

  
  


“Have you slept?”

 

You shrug.

  
  


“Jarvis, has Tony slept in the last five days?”

 

“I talked Sir into sleeping a few times, but he should get more-”

  
  
  


“J, I’m fine.” You protest, both of us ignoring you. 

  
  
  


“Has he eaten?”

 

“He’s well below his caloric and nutritional requirements.” 

 

“So nothing.”

 

“Yes, he should also certainly-”

  
  
  


You’ve crossed your arms. “I can take care of myself.”

 

“The problem is, you don’t.” I raise an eyebrow and you grumble. 

  
  


A silence passes and you don’t move. 

  
  


“Tony, are you going to move anytime soon?”

 

“And you say we’re all impatient in the future.”

 

“You need to eat.”

 

“Look, I’m tired, I’ll get something eventually.”

 

“He admits it.”

 

“Leave me alone, Cap.”

  
  


 

There’s a  _ thump _ as you drop your head onto the table. “Fine, I’m starving and my stomach hurts too much to even think of eating.”

 

“Do you want me to cook some eggs?”

  
  
  


“Tony?”

 

“Sometimes you’re annoying, but god, yes, I’d love you.” 

  
  
I open my mouth as my head spins, my face getting warm again with a blush.  _ Collect yourself, he didn’t mean it _ . Taking a shaky breath, I force out what I hope is a convincing laugh, turning around if you pull your head up to look at me-  _ the kitchen _ .  _ Just cook the goddamn eggs _ . 


	26. #25: Sighing, as you fall asleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know what would be great? Not getting yelled at for something small, and then getting yelled at because you're upset that someone's angry at you. Basically, I can't cry because of that second round of yelling. Constantly.

In this universe, SHIELD had me off on a secret mission for what felt like years.

 

-

  
  


“Sure you don’t need to stay?”

  
  


The agent flying the Quinjets yawns again, his vision obviously swimming from exhaustion. “Stark’s outfitted all the quinjets with autopilot, I’ll be fine.”

  
  


We’d been flying for well over a day- since I called for extraction yesterday? Two days ago?  The time zones were merged together and I didn’t know how long I had been gone- gone from you. 

  
  


Long enough to smell like shit and be covered in blood. Possibly alien guts. 

 

The agent takes off from the helipad as I stumble into the communal area, everything quiet and dark. 

 

_ Food? Shower?  _

 

I teeter between the guest rooms where I can shower without waking anyone up and the kitchen.

  
  
  


“Good morning, Captain.”

 

I blink at the ceiling. “Morning?”

 

“Indeed.”

 

“How long-”

 

“Fifteen days, but with the time zones, approximately sixteen for you.”

  
  
  
  
  


“You should eat, your vitals are worrying.” 

 

I nod, not moving. 

 

“Sir is awake, should I have him come down?”

 

“No, I can-” I wave my hand, dropping my shield as I walk to the kitchen. 

  
  


-

 

_ God, it feels great to be clean. _ I lean on the doorframe of the bathroom, looking at the bed.

  
  


“Jarvis, sh’ld sleep down here?”

 

“No, Sir will be happy to see you- he’s barely slept since you left.”

 

“Mmm.” 

  
  


I’m more alert now thanks to a stomach finally full of food and the shower, but I still don’t know how I make it to the lift. The lights are dimmer than usual, and I think I nod off before there’s a jolt and the doors open. 

 

Like the rest of the tower, our rooms are quiet and dark. Dark minus the glow- the comforting glow- from your arc reactor as I reach the doorframe, leaning against it. 

  
  


“St’be?”

 

Your voice is small and full of sleep, and I smile. 

  
  


“Yes, baby, I’m back.”

 

“C’mere.” 

  
  


I’ve barely collapsed into the bed before I get an armful of you, and I pull you close. 

  
  


“Missed you.” Your voice is muffled in my chest.

 

“Missed you too, Tony. Now stop staying awake.” I kiss the top of your head, rubbing circles on your back as you slowly start to relax.

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you too,” I whisper as you fall asleep before I drift off. 


	27. #26: Broken, begging me not to leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tired my eye is twitching. But could be taken as implied s-word before the twist.

In this universe, a shiny spider-like device is entrenched firmly in your neck, red poison in the middle.

 

-

 

Sometimes our missions went well, sometimes eventually.  There were long stays in SHIELD medical or the tower’s medbay. Bruises, gashes, broken bones, infections, poisonings, but we’d pulled through eventually. 

 

I didn’t know how the fuck we were going to get out of this. 

 

Hundreds of Hydra soldiers were pointing weapons at us as I looked at you, my stomach turning as I looked at the spider-like device firmly attached to your neck, red poison glinting from the middle. 

 

-

  
  


Weeks ago, we had strained the Avenjet’s engines to rush to California, where you had been admitted to a hospital after a plane crash. 

  
  


The photos of the crash were horrible and sickening. Burnt, twisted metal was mostly obscured by heavy smoke, paramedics and first responders in chaos around your private jet, what had been your private jet. The few seconds of footage on the news of you showed you half-in, half-out of your armor, your body limp as it was loaded into the ambulance, blood everywhere. 

  
  


We got to the hospital to only be met by a large amount of SHIELD agents, who tried to hold us back. 

  
  


I was in the middle of yelling at them to at least update us to your condition when I saw you leaning on Fury, walking out of the critical care ward. You had gashes all over your face and arms, but none of them looked serious. 

  
  


“He got-” Fury glanced down at you, handing you to a speechless Natasha before crossing his arms. “-He got lucky.”

  
  
  


“I’m alright, god-” you started grumbling as Bruce grabbed your face, moving it so he could look at all the injuries. 

  
  


“Have updates been sent to Jarvis?” Bruce dropped his hands from your face, turning to Fury. 

 

“SHIELD will be handling all his medical needs for the immediate future.” 

  
  


As Bruce and Natasha argued with Fury, you had walked over to me shakily, wrapping your arms around my neck and kissing me passionately, the way you did when one of us almost died.  

 

This close, I could see how shaken up you were, and I ghosted my fingers across the injuries on your face. “Are you okay?”

 

“I will be.” 

  
  


-

 

That had been only a few weeks ago, and now you were in another life-or-death situation. 

  
  


You had been forced to shed your armor due to an electrostatic weapon, and self-destruct it so Hydra wouldn’t get any pieces of it. It took a while, but you stopped grumbling and went along with it when we told you to hang back and hide behind us. 

 

Everything had been going well before there was a faint metallic sound and you grunted in pain. 

 

-

 

I whirl around, the Hulk grabbing your arm roughly-  _ great, broken arm _ \- as your hand shoots up towards a shiny thing attached to your neck. 

  
  


“I’m fine, stop worrying.” You bat Natasha’s hand away. 

 

Natasha grabs you by the shoulders, shaking you. “That’s-”  _ something in a language I didn’t recognize _ \- “poison, that’s three times the lethal dose for me, you idiot.”

 

“Than get it off instead of yelling at me.”

 

“It looks like it’s designed to release the poison if you tamper with it.”

 

You shrug, moving your hand back towards it. 

  
  
  


“Did you hear the part where it’ll  _ KILL YOU _ ?” I storm over now, putting my shield on my back as I move your head to look at it closely.

 

“Steve, let me just pull it off.” 

  
  
  


“I can deactivate it, Captain America.” 

  
  


I accidentally squeeze your face as my adrenaline spikes, and I ball my hands into fists as I turn to the Red Skull. The large guns held by the soldiers flanking him whir as they charge up, several pointing at everyone. 

  
  


“Schmidt.” My jaw is clenched tight and I can barely speak as I try not to shake, in anger or fear, I don’t know. All I see is the remote held loosely, casually in his hand. 

 

“Is that how you’ll speak to the person holding your  _ lover’s _ life in their hand?”

 

“What do you want?” 

 

“You to come with us willingly, and once we’re out of range, the device will disengage.”

  
  
  


Natasha twitches in the very edge of my vision, and two large warning shots are fired inches from her head. 

  
  
  


You’ve come up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

  
  


“Steve, don’t go.”

 

“He’ll kill you, Tony.”

 

“They’ll kill you.”

 

“I don’t care. I just need to know-”

 

“Don’t go.” You pull at my uniform when I take a step forward, the cowl coming down. You grip it until your knuckles are white. 

 

“Tony, please let me save you.”

 

“Stay,  _ please _ .”

 

“I can’t, not with your life on the line.”

 

“I love you, Steve.” 

  
  


Several things happen in rapid succession.

 

You grab my face with the hand not on my cowl, kissing me desperately. 

 

I have eye contact for seconds when you pull back before your hand hits the device.

 

I fall down to the ground, following you, holding you in my arms as you break into a spasm, your eyes rolling into the back of your head, strained and painful cries leaking out weakly. 

 

You go limp, and a quiet hangs over the room until I hear all chaos break out around me. 

 

I kiss you repeatedly, crying, begging you to be alright, to hang on, to survive. 

 

Someone roughly pulls me up, pulling us out of the Hydra base and to the Avenjet. 

 

-

 

“Please tell me there’s an antidote for-” Clint poorly imitates the sounds of the word as we all huddle around you, Jarvis piloting us back. 

 

Natasha can’t even speak, shaking her head as she breathes heavily. 

  
  
  


“Avengers-” I don’t think any of us full register Jarvis’ voice. “Sir miscalculated the intensity of the poison. I’ve sent new directives to the nanobots in his system to break-”

  
  


“Nanobots in his system?” I look at the ceiling, the buzzing in my ears dying slightly.

 

The AI falls silent. 

  
  


“Jarvis, you have FIVE FUCKING SECONDS TO EXPLAIN.” Natasha shoots to her feet. 

  
  


“Sir, he- died in that plane accident. Director Fury was able to revive him long enough to get his permission to inject Extremis into his bloodstream. He’s still adjusting to the technopathy, and I’ve been assisting-”

  
  


We all exchange looks before giving a collective “WHAT?”

 

“Extremis is a new super soldier serum derivative. Sir is now capable of many attributes of the serums Captain and Natasha have, but can also control technology telepathically. He’s still learning and adjusting to technopathy-”

  
  


“He has- will he-  _ serum _ -” My thoughts are racing too fast to speak coherently as my heartbeat rises to my ears and deafens me. 

  
  
  


“He will be alright, I believe. I’ve managed to break down the toxic levels in his bloodstream and have begun repairs to the affected organs.” 

  
  


“He didn’t tell us?” Natasha’s sitting down again, her voice hushed.

 

“He wanted to perfect it before he told you, and keep it a secret. That's why he didn't say anything earlier. Also, it’s- extremely overstimulative for Sir. Most of our focus has been on making sure he doesn’t go insane.”

  
  
  


“Oh my god.” I pull you into my lap, cradling you, touching our foreheads together. “You could have told us, Tony.” A tear falls on your face, and I brush it away. 

  
  


“He should be awake soon, he’ll be very disoriented,” Jarvis speaks quietly and we all hold our breath.

  
  
  


You make a noise before your eyes fly open, trying to sit up, panting heavily, unable to speak, clawing at me until there’s no space between us, your face buried in my neck. 

  
  
  


“I’m still repairing Sir’s lungs. He wants to tell you that he loves you dearly, Captain.” 

  
  


I burst out laughing at the absurdity, quickly snuffling it when I remember you need quiet. 

  
  


“I love you too, Tony.” 

 

You smile into my neck, holding me tighter.


End file.
